brotherhood bonds

2008-12-02T22:01:00.000-08:00

HEY HEY HEY!!!
Its the end of Ite Life..!!
Shld i even b happy??
I Duno i shld or noe..

It's a torture at 1st,
Too many pai kia,
Too many bullies,
Too stress...

But then it was fun in the end,
It turned out fun,
Enjoyable,
Able 2 release my trueself a'lil..

Abt Frenx,
I didnt noe if i really made any,
Mayb there is,
But very brittle..
Some jus say so,
Jus by the mouth,
Not in the action,
More lyk make use than real ones..

Rmb having 2 frenx frm the 1st yr,
1 always anyting,
The other always folo another grp,
I silent 2 times in 2 yr,
Jus bcoz he always ps us,
Then come to tink of it,
Im jus selfish..
Y bother nw??
Doesnt matter nw,
He's changed,
No long the kind hearted one,
Can b dao,
Can ignore u when u sms or pm him,
If u're me,
Wat wld u tink?

Another fren,
Even he is lyk always toking to you,
Always share wid you,
Tinking u're his fren,
He can even nt add u in msn..
So damn upset..

Wondering i shld 4gt abt ITE Life,
Or shld i jus rmb it as a lesson..
Everyting is lyk,
Saddly eva after,
Same as my skater life,
Juz miserable,
Total miserable..

2008-08-03T03:35:00.000-07:00

decide to treat ppl in a diff way liao.. haix.. after realising, when someone treats u cold, u will wana treat em better n better, feels lyk cant live widout em.. but i duno if it can work a nt.. haha..

my life quite diff nw, my family n ah ben's family machiam 1 big family liao.. his mum, machiam lyk my mum liao.. sometimes feel lyk toking wid her on the fone, jus tat, i scared ahben misunderstand my ways, so ended up jus tok to her much when i c her.. ytd, i saw my dad carry ahben up, and is lyk jus playing, immediately i turned away, treat i didnt c anyting.. haix.. gt tis feeling, feel as if ahben start to dislyk me close up wid his mum liao.. i duno, jus a guess..

duno wats gg on in my mind, doing tis n tat, but duno y m i doing it for..

recently, coming close wid weehoe they all.. dog topic most of the time, even i start reading up doggy books.. doggy studies.. wahahaha... duno when fate is gona seperate tis frenship again liao.. haix.. JUS MY FATE!!

2008-07-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

lolx.. went swimming wid chua, ahwei, n derek.. jus swim ard back n flow oso fun.. i wear a loose short go, so cant swim while.. end up tat my dry pants to swim, then go back wid wet pants.. hehe..

then after we went market eat, we passed by a pet shop, they all c dog.. ahwei c the jack russel then say wana buy liao.. haha.. but nt enuff money.. so put deposit.. tatdog very lively, when release him, he run ard the shop, back n flow.. so cute lor.. when he c me, he suddenly jump on me, so cute.. makes me wana buy it oso.. tat nite i oso dreamt tat i gt a dog, then nearly eaten by a wolf, suddenly appear.. then i go kill it, then my dog trustd me n shaked hands wid me.. then i woke up, i was having tears rolling down.. haix..

nt bcoz of my mum scared dog, i wun b so desperate to hab one in the future liao.. i really nid a mate to play.. haix.. wish aniki can play wid me everyday, but he nid go work.. haix..

chua let me go his hse, haha.. so shocked, coz he always dun let ppl go, in my history, he only allow ppl go 3 times.. haha.. i act as if its nth tat he let me go his hse, but i was so so soooo happy, as if i was damn lucky on tat day.. he lyk so ke qi when i reachd his hse.. haha.. let me use his com, let me play his com de game, then he sian sian lying on his bed.. nt bcoz i c him sian i wun say i wana go hm.. haix..

then nite b4 i was invited to a place i gone a few times, then slp on a bed i nvr was able to slp on, wearing a pants tat i cant nvr wear b4, at my aniki's hse.. haha.. so so soooo damn lucky.. sooooooo happy.. wahahaha

2008-06-17T07:21:00.000-07:00

oo.. someone help me out.. im gg crazy soon.. im losing out frenz by the day.. really missed my dear frenz, when we were so so so damn close de shi hou.. wat the hell..

some just go army n change personality,

some jus go attachment n spend lesser time wid us,

some go own vehicle n spend time wid ppl frm a distance n neglect ppl they usual hang out wid,

some jus quarrel bcoz of small matter or quarrel for someone they care abt,

some jus make new frenz n move on jus lyk tat, *snap.

i duno if weehoe gona b angry wid me or wat, i jus nw tis is a misunderstand. i ask his god sis call me coz i nth to do, n really didnt call her *dear*.. haix..

then.. i duno lah.. jus wish the frenz will increase nt go decrease. n wish is nt, old one go then new one come in, i only wan old ones stay in the heart n new ones in the eye.

2008-06-06T07:07:00.000-07:00

lolx.. since last sat went to sentosa, haha, duno lehx, quite closer wid classmates more liao..

ns checkup de stuff go wid weehoe, ahwei, derek, micheal, kathi, hsiong.. hehe.. after tat go eat n look at bike de tings.. didnt really complete the ns stuff, esp ahwei n hsiong, no com at hm, so hab to go fren hse do.. ahwei lehx suppose go weehoe hse do de, but tinking his hse no printer, so all 2 of em come my hse do..

they come my hse, machiam messy up my hse, esp weehoe.. dun wats wrong wid me, jus happy tat me n weehoe really getting along liao.. sometimes still tink, widout shaowei ard, we machiam can tok lyk tat.. haha.. i noe ahwei is my next owner liao, duno y feel tat way..

i gt tis feeling ahben is dating someone alrdy, duno y.. jus 4gt it, i noe he oso wun bother much abt me, lyk b4, lyk eva.. its always diff to abandon a master tats all i can say.. seriously, calling him oso makes me hesitate, duno when he'll scold me.. sms him, oso duno when he'll ignore me..

seriously, having a dog life is very diff.. haix..

2008-05-26T07:32:00.000-07:00

26 may 08 monday

duno.. mayb is jus another toking day to weehoe bahx.. 2dae more daring, but jus a ask me n ans u kind of way, hope improve more bahx.. =]

then 2dae pe, then i late, then was running, didnt noe the location, then no one ans fone.. ya.. then me slowly find whole sch lor.. then found em at gym, near pe department.. then when i wana start working out, teacher say, "dismissd".. lolx.. lyk so suai lor..lolx..

we found a soccer ball last wk, then they playd soccer lor.. haha.. then weehoe oways gt goals to keep, then shaowei lehx, nt having many goals to keep.. haha.. c em play soccer is quite fun, coz i dun wana play, jus a failure in it.

they played till, someone kickd it to the primary sch field, then they hab to shout at the uncle at the pri sch to pass.. next stp, basketball. haha.. tis time hab to play liao.. haix. playing the game im bad in.. lolx.. enjoyd it in the end, eventhough my team lose, mayb bcoz of me bahx..

went for lesson after tat, but teacher still haven reach, so i sat outside the door.. then 3 ppl sat on me, weikian, ahwei, n hoe.. lolx.. ahwei sat on my head.. then tried to gib him, "thousand yr of death".. hehe..

had break, went to je for singpass change in a grp, A Squad n B Squad, go eat 2gther, 1st time tis yr.. haha.. then we go eat at entertainment, ended up so late when reach class.. when reach class still gt a test, copied though, but who cares??
still had some biscults frm teacher n some drinks to go along.. haha.. then we dismissed after tat.. haha..

we went towards westmall, weikian itch hand, go play wid ppl scooter, then duno how to put the stand, then some uncle still go help him lehx, we tot he is the owner lehx.. then they park in the middle of the road then walkd off, the uncle say " who's bike is tis", no one bother all walk off.. heng we walk off, the police came when we walk off.. haha.. then heard em say the police turn back ard, we cheong towards westmall liao.. haha..

then all go home liao, derek n weehoe go woodlands duno test wat fone.. haha.. then we seperated at the mrt liao.. hehe.. takecare Squads!! =]

2008-05-26T05:46:00.000-07:00

25 may 08, sun

Early morning gt up, last nite slp at abt 2+ then 7 gt up.. haha.. then mit up wid hsiong, we both gt same habit, sometimes early morning will stomache de.. haha.. then we went to toilet 2gther after reaching vivo.. haha.. i sat there for abt 15 mins, while wating ahwei they all..

they reachd, then we went to the kopitiam near interchange eat, i ate fried fish noodles, is lyk *vomit*, the soup is the seaweed soup, when u eat the beehoon, is lyk jus eating the beehoon, no soup taste at all, then the vegetable is more than the beehoon..

we went to siloso beach 1st, ahwei, derek, weehoe, hsiong, n me.. while waiting for ayu n mos.. haha.. then bb was there too.. i didnt express myself much, but i really lyk playing wid bb, eventhough once she c ahwei she will run towards him la.. haha.. but i really lyk her.. hehe..

mos n ayu reachd, they wana go toilet, then me, ahwei, n hsiong acc em go lor.. they changed then we boys wait outside, then gt some foreigner shoutd wat toilet stinks arh, smell lyk shit, wat so eva.. who say toilet is somewhr tat smells lyk flower?? it toilet whr u hab tings release out ur ass n bladder.. lolx... then ahwei oso say, someting to her, "stink stink la, ur business" or someting else.. i noe his reaction was lyk nt happy for abit la.. haha.. surprise though..

then they come out liao, then we walk n walk, half way ahwei call me, then i turn back, he spit water at me, then we went to the basin recharge water, then start running ard n spitting water.. hehe..

we went back, then had abit of sand war among em, then they kept asking me go in the water, but i dun wana leave hsiong.. so i nvr tot of gg in, but ended up wid some sand war n water war, so i ended up in the war, i didnt expect hoe oso splash me coz we still haven starting tok face to face, but the frenship startd again tis day.. haha.. i went in for awhile then they wana go liao..

we went to bathe, then snatching foam n shampoo.. haha.. nw i noe wats wrong wid my life liao.. they do wash face, no wonder their face nt so many pimple.. nw change lifestyle liao.. hehe.. then spotted someone bathe widout door closed, heng jiaqin nt there, or duno wat he will do.. hehe.. jus jking..

then we walkd to 7-11, i bought a mineral water, duno how much at 1st, wah, i go counter pay de shi hou, say 2.30.. is lyk 500 ml kind nehx.. they nvm, ahwei ask me gib abit water gib bb drink, then i ended up gib abit water to ahwei keep for bb..

then we go harbourfront, the gals go mac'd at harbourfront.. then ahwei they all wana go kopitiam, then they tot they're at vivo, still say wana go b2.. haha.. ended up gg to kopitiam at vivo, bsides hsiong, we all eat korean food, all diff kind.. hehe..

then eat finishd mit up wid the gals, then go roof awhile, then we went for window shopping for abit.. saw some classmate, duno how to spell his name, at toy's'rus, then play some toys ard, then saw a chicken hat, then pass ard.. hehe..

then we went off to mrt then go hm liao.. mos lyk so emo all day, then when leaving bb, she machiam wana cry.. tinking makes me smile.. lyk a story in a storybk to me.. =]

even gg hm, doesnt make me really dare tok to hoe, jus abit awkward.. but ya enjoyd the day.. a mark to my life.. the day i realy enjoyd in my ite days.. =]

2008-05-26T05:24:00.000-07:00

23 may 08, Friday

hmm.. tml is laopa de lunar b'day.. ahcao, some stupid sworn brother of my laopa, damn rich n spends money to show off.. he ask us out to celebrate at some niteclub, ktv de.. at the start we very happy de, singing, then b'day cake cutting, even my laopa cant dun lyk eat, he still happy.. we had champange, they drank liquior, my laopa drunk liao..

suddenly my laopa leg pain, they tat is whr im starting to b down.. haix.. seeing ahben hold him, then makes me helpless, lyk i no use as a son.. then i go help de hua, i oso noe my laop will ask me go away lyk the way he ask me out of the car, tat way i'll b damn dissapptd.. haix.. nvm abt tat..

while my laopa gg off, ended up didnt go off, he kissed my mum in front of my dad, even its his lunar b'day, even my dad is her husband, even tat his sworn brother's wife, he did tat.. i was there to witness..

on the way hm, all was in bad mood.. my laopa angry wid my mum, tinking y dun siam, jus jealous, afraid my mum nt loyal to him, nt faithful to b exact..

my mum angry wid my dad, tinking "y blame me?? is u ask me come then i come de lehx, nw tis kind of thing happend u blame me mehx??", always defend, cant jus take a blame awhile, hab a closed door quarrel..

they ended up wid traffic quarrel, blocking traffic at the way out of the carpark..
my dad drove off widout us for 2 rounds, then include ahben n his sis n his mum.. my laopa upset, ahben oso upset, n badmood.. haix.. my dad dun wana come down, his drunk, he dun wana pass the driver seat to ahben sis, ahying, then we had to find my gumah, my dad's sis, to help us solve tis prob..

usually, when u r a guy, when u nid help, u'll find a person to help u out, tt can b trustd, tat u can rely on rite?? when my gumah solve the prob, ahying drive, my dad was at the back seats.. he was in pain out of a sudden, then guess wat, he grabbed ahben's hand eventhough i was nearest to him, then he hand was gg across mine.. i duno how to express the hurt i gt..

2008-05-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

i duno y.. im always treat as rubbish, someone who no one wld even bother u if less necessary.. nt 1 person, no jus a few, but alot of ppl do tat to me.. haix..

in sch, ppl can jus leave me on side..

i call my classmate, some say "i busy", then 2 assholes lyk hang my calls, 1 i still cant gt to tok to him since last yr.. haix..

then at hm, my parents gd in interrupting conversations..

msn, serious only afew willing to tok to me, but others.. haix.. most of the time i tok to ppl but no one bother to tok to me if i did the initiative.. haix.. worse is some ppl even ignore or say wana slp(at nite) or even say, "i doing hwk", "i doing report", "i studying for exams".. haix.. they mayb true, but.. i noe some jus made it up..

even my master, no, esp my master.. sms him, he can ignore, saying he busy, but he cant reply after he busy mehx?? always c him reply ppl, dun c him reply mine.. then i calld him 2 times since i noe him, as in 4 causual tok, 1st one he ask me call de, coz he gg aljunied no one pei him tok.. 2nd one, me call, he nvr ans, then he call back, we hello to each other, then he hang up my fone.. haix.. msn tok to him, sometimes say busy, tat one gd liao lor.. most of the time ignore me.. haix.. i wonder when ppl even acknowledge me, esp my master.. coz he is the one i really wana tok to, due to he is the one i really trust, counted in my family..

2008-05-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

the wks tat jus passed, had me back wid the feeling of last yr's happiness..

lyk last time, ahben almost everyday come my hse pei my laopa send my laoma go work..
sometimes at nite stay at my hse.. wish tat feeling nvr go.. longing a brother really staying by ur side is so, happy.. then 2dae rarely play mahjong, the "4 brothers", haha.. me, ahben, shawn, n samuel.. the fun of seeing 'em quarrel n laughter over the table.. so happy to hab the feeling back, even for a moment..

sat was suki's b'day, actuallly i nvr tot of gg, 1st was on the money, 2nd was on the boredom n loneliness while skating.. jeff actually lied to me to gt me there.. i ended up skating much lyk alone, at least weijian was wid me, but likely to c, im lyk his only fren in the rink.. akira nvr tok to me, the others r more lyk hi bye.. haix.. i missed the old rink days we had..

on tat day, i was so damn down, but i hab to one to tell to.. i called ahben, but he was having lesson, so i didnt wana disturb so i asked him wat time he gg to sin tuan, i told him whr i was.. we ended up in a conversation of he asking me gt a helm frm his sis at the je lib.. haha.. i went out to eat wid weijian for awhile, then had a puff outside.. i didnt expect ahben to b at the lib haha.. then i went to look for him.. then i acc wejian back to the rink after meeting ahben, skate awhile then went off, then realised he was outside watching.. haha.. wonder how long he was there alrdy.. hmm.. i went to find him at 5pm.. haha.. then didnt noe y he go carpark, then saw him tat a helm, the 1st ting i tot was jus hold for me, ended up getting on his bike.. haha.. we went to eat.. yup, then i realised tat day was hia 1st day on his bike.. haha.. so touched..

i did once ask him fetch me wid his bike when he gets it, but i didnt really expectd tat he really did it.. haha.. thkx ahben=]

*dun wana buy hp liao.. next aim, a NEW HELM by oct.. !!

2008-05-05T05:30:00.002-07:00

life hab change, more free liao.. haix.. out of archery, feel lyk ppl in there hate me lots.. esp someone in there.. haix.. eventhough i noe them all, but once i seen em on sat, feel lyk i noe no one at all.. haix.. lim still say i was a gd boy, shldnt hab leave, so touchd, but no choice any further..

hmm.. gt a master, eventhough he was juz jking im his dog, but im jus lyk a dog, play wid me, i'll play wid u back.. u dare bully fren, i bite u.. im loyal to owner, gd frenz.. feel sad when left bored in a rm.. yup.. resembles huh??

anw, back to the pt, my master sick liao.. haix.. hopes he gt well, n can c him soon.. so spdy recovery hor..!! =[

took some a pic of him.. haha.. damn funny, show the other side of him.. but cant post, ltr he abandon me..

2008-04-02T00:15:00.000-07:00

ytd when to my gu ma hse, mahjong meeting n my jpn gu ma come back sg, tat happens annually.. so, cant miss it..

my 2 cousin came back wid her, is so adorable.. the gal is so chubby n active, the boy is so playful n smart.. haha.. then my gu ma's dog is so adorabl but oso noisy.. she keeps barking ard.. haix.. causing injuries.. bad dog!!!

gu mah'z dog pic!!!

xiaobai says, "wat r u looking at??"

xiaobai waiting for mummy(my gu ma) come back

xiaobai lying down quietly

mummy's back!! nw i sit properly..

time for lunch!!

my cute cousin feeding him n teaching her tricks

2008-03-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

haix.. jialat liao la.. damn fan day by day liao la.. my brain is loaded wid troubles liao la..

msn nt much frenz chat wid me, only peiloon, alvin, n sometimes is ah ying.. haix.. me at hm damn bored lehx.. feel so miserable nw.. frenz dun wana tok much on the fone wid me, or busy doing someting else.. feeling left out in a grp gathering or outing.. make me feel, better off being alone.. haix..

ahben tinks im naggy, daniel tinks im irritating, joe tinks i tok to much.. haix.. all tis daily comments make me sick, n depress.. i cant change it, but everyone is blaming me for tat.. tat is the coz of nt many ppl tok to me.. haix.. wtf shld i do nw??!! can someone til me??!!

2008-03-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

nw im so fan liao.. as usual, when i fan me will blog.. haha.. bet no one is waiting for tis.. haix.. emotions very messd up, then duno how to explain.. mayb by a story bahx.. duno who cares to listen..

my tis fren has a tis prob tat he shared wid me, spacing away frm him nw, read the story then u noe y.. hmm.. he has tis fren, at 1st he hated him, coz knowing frm his fren tat he did someting bad on her, someting tat can coz much pain n trouble for her life.. then he was damn angry abt tat.. then nw tat he is closed up wid him, coz his family gt link wid tt guy's famaily.. he is nw lyking him, as in in luv wid him, tat guy still duno, nt only tat, my fren oso in luv wid his sis n his MUM!! wtf.. unbelievable?? haix.. then i oso duno wat to do, acc him all the time, oso nt gd, leaving him in pain oso no gd.. someone gib me advice pls.. haix..

then recently i went to hk, then after i came back, i heard 3 ppl quit archery, then nw 4 liao.. haix.. duno y they r selfish, only tink of themselves, but i oso cant blame em, i oso noe tat feeling of "can quit faster quit" kinda feeling.. haix.. duno wats wrong wid em at 1st, then nw i noe.. most of em is coz of the seniors.. haix.. duno wats gg on, duno the seniors noe the reason they leave a nt, if they do, i tink they r weird.. nt i wana say anyting, i noe if they noe i say all tis on my blog, someone's gona noe abt it, n the seniors will b crawling on my fone, bugging me.. haix.. if they c seniors quiting, at least find out the reason n change on it mahx.. cant b expect wait all quit liao then wonder wat..

another ting is, i tink i gona annouce tok less on msn liao.. 2 person say i irritating in one day, nt blaming or anyting, i jus duno how 2 tok, i hate toking seriously, but tats all i can do.. if ppl who noe me, c my hands de nailx, one side gt one side short, theres i meaning to it, i wana tell everyone, im nt the person i m, im jus someone who is half evil half gd, acting a gd person in front wid motive in my mind.. my life is worse than a gigglo.. jus tat no one noes.. believe it or nt..

didnt noe opp my sch de coffeshop so nice in the dark

she lookd lyk a gd gal, but she's vandalising??

My Hm In Heavens

The Panda who represents my sport

We spotted mr bruce lee in HK

Wat!!?? My Dad's in luv wid him??!!

Who says im nt a gd photographer??

Ariel's toy in king size

2 Mums in the mood

Me n My old lady

Hey!! We r a family, how can put me aside??

2008-03-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

haix.. duno shld b sad or nt.. everytime, i feel jealous, feel sad, feel neglectd when i c ppl's parents r more gentle, caring abt their child.. seeing mothers feeding their child spoon by spoon, b4 feeding milk check the rite temp.. seeing fathers acc they'r kid playing sports, cracking jokes n making 'em smile frm ear to ear.. arent lyk me..

when i was young, there was lyk an angel taking care of me, wid kindness n gentleness, but nw.. i only can c a black heartd devil, which is my mum.. then my dad, frm i was young up till nw, there wasnt quite much memories of fun, but i noe he has a softheart..

my dad always base his heart on my mum, let her scold, let her say till he is lyk nth in value, let her say abt his siblings tis bad tat bad, he so can tolerate.. everyting he does is bcoz of her.. if he can take it, duno wat will happen.. haha..

my mum lehx.. all she tinks is for herself, mayb there's a side care for her elder son more n 5 percent for her younger one.. nono.. mayb 1 percent.. all she can do is say how much she concern abt her younger son, but the truth is more on herself n her elder son.. coz my bro in army.. ya.. i dun understnd y other mum take childern 1st then themselves, y cant she.. haix.. all tat matters is her "face".. when she loses "face" she'll start nagging on ppl.. taking other ppl as a punching bag, in fact as a scolding bag.. haix.. life is getting more sian day by day.. she can even compare thief, a low-life person wid me.. wat kind of person is she? she can say a crook is better than me.. haix.. tat crook is her god son.. say he gd tat gd even he is charged for theivery, nt say tat guy is no hope la, jus tat, the feeling of being worse then a crook is nt a very gd feeling..

looking at benster, his mum, n his sis.. always make me jealous, dun mentiong abt his father, another weird person i heard.. haha.. seeing his mum, tinking abt em, wrried abt em every min in hk.. then me? my mum wun bother abt me if she is having fun.. his sis, at least nt holding against benster, arent lyk my bro, always against wat i do, making frens more impt than his family.. benster himself, is a hot one.. wishes he can b my brother.. haix.. at least gt someone to play wid, share the joy n having someone make me smile when i sad.. but.. impossible.. haix..hey!! can i change my families ard!!!??

2008-02-12T07:34:00.000-08:00

haix.. nw in archery abit sad liao.. always say wrong ting, then start seeing mates gibing black faces.. haix.. one of the tings i hate the most.. haix.. then sometimes, mates r selfish, stubborn n wanting someting n hab to gt it.. haix..

till nw hoe still haben been toking to me, mayb coz i dun bother b liao.. jus tinking of tat fren of mine, jus makes me sad.. he is still folowing his gd fren lyk superglued to him.. sounds lyk im jealous huh? but im nt la, jus tat even my fren say hoe is bcuming lyk a dog of his fren.. mayb when tings changed then i tok to him again bahx.. seriously, i oso dun wana lose tat kiddo..

nw very stressd, hab to complete bareshaft, but always cant gt grping on the board.. sian.. then gy so long nvr go liao, tink mayb he wana quit ler bahx.. hope nt la..

2008-02-05T10:08:00.000-08:00

haha.. so long nvr blog liao.. =]

my life has changed, feeling more eager to go archery after sch everyday.. its lyk one of my impt meals.. haha.. ytd i jus made a bet wid kel, i said i wldnt quit, if i do i'll take pen knife cut my veins..

haha.. then 2 dae change poundage 4 my bow, so happy, i changed 2 34 frm 32.. hehe.. but my targetting still sux as eva.. muwahaha..

we hsd a challenge tis afternoon, compare who nearest the yellow spot n top score.. then the losers vaccum club rm, wipe window, sounds lyk spring cleaning rite?? haha.. then finding 2 normal arrow is ok, then we had to find a demon arrow.. haha.. so scary.. i chopped 3 earthworns into half.. haix.. sad for it.. then i kept on holding back on finding the arrow..=]

2008-01-30T08:16:00.000-08:00

2dae afternoon class.. so many ppl nvr come.. haha.. but ended up go archery after lesson, coz the 2nd lesson no teacher.. haha..

reachd there only can c 3 ppl.. haha.. so sad.. then slowly more n more ppl come.. muwahahaha.. then i 2dae shot 12 arrows in one target.. so happy.. n the target is only 20cm big, in 10m.. hahaha..

then 2dae weiliang tok to me, gy, n ariel, abt our wildness may coz us danger, coz we play on the road.. haix.. then ariel so sadden after hearing the seniors comments abt tis.. haix.. then slowly folo by weiliang oso, heard tat is bcoz the seniors ask him wat he tok abt, but he refuse to tell, then sadden oso.. haix.. sometimes i really tink weiliang deserve a big party, to show our appreciation on wat he has done for us in tis 2wks time... he is really as wei da as somehow look lyk our big brother...

hugging tat teddy bear isnt someting i call acting stupid, jus a way we show ty.. weiliang jiayou in ur test tml.. =]

2008-01-29T05:44:00.000-08:00

2dae nvr go sch.. haha.. pon ten.. then i was watching kidscentral, i saw tis show make me my ambition go higher again.. the title is "Cyber Formula" saying a 14yr old race in professional racing.. he world the internation cup.. haha.. wish i cld do tat.. =]

then after tat i go buy a jeans, 29 only lehx.. but nt many choices.. haha.. so sad.. then i rushd to archery..

the 1st person i c is uncle liang, hehe.. wei liang,wei da.. haha.. u cant miss him if u c him.. jus jking.. =p then whole day lazy to shoot.. do nth.. haix.. bcoz i nid to shift the board if i wana shoot, then the whole place is lyk so squish, maddy, so i lazy to take lor.. but the others jus nid to shoot 30m, lyk so left out again..

then when i saw tis fren doing someting abit wrong, keep changing the target sight, so i advice him nt to keep changing, coz mayb is human error nt the sight prob.. then i ended up gt scolded by him.. haix.. then startd getting emo after tat.. decided to stay away, until gg hm then i went back to normal.. haha.. was it my wrong?

2dae i tot i wun b left out on sat liao, but ended up disspptd.. my sponsor, my fren say gib me money, then i can bow my arrow n bow mahx.. but ended up late, then he dun wana wait for me.. then is lyk jus one stp away frm each other, n cant wait a few min?? since wait 1 hr liao, 6mins is wat?? nth.. haix.. i cldnt stp him, so i jus let him choose another day.. he said on fri c 1st, most lyk to b a upset.. so another wk xtra again.. haix.. who call me b poor.. =[

2008-01-28T07:31:00.000-08:00

morning skip lessn, lucky i did, or i go for nth liao.. coz when i reach for my 2nd lessn, my class advisor say the teacher nt free 4 tis wk n next wk.. haha..

after lesson go archery training, then all the seniors there 1st saw me sure will ask me, "y 2dae so early??".. haha.. then all i ans, "nt early liao la.." lolx.. hehe.. then 2dae say 5 ppl hab own arrow liao, then 3 hab issued bow liao.. very sad lor.. boo!!.. tat feeling sux.. ARGH!!.. they start shooting 30m, then me start 18m wid darren n xi wen, coz they haven been issued bows yet, but tml is the day liao..

2dae i dare2 dun use arm guard while shooting, haha.. i learnt my lesson.. ended up bruises on me hand.. then all my arrows 2dae shoot de, all go one circle de.. so sad..

after training, we all so high walking to mrt statn.. haha.. sing, shout,fooling on the roads, then laughing.. haha.. so happy.. wee!! =p

Sunday pics!!

my fre's bruise look lyk a fish

Wat we ate for lunch!! Delicious!!

Saw tis cute baby when we're eating!!

2dae Picx

weiliang's ANGEL bow!! Cool!!

Poor 30m board!! Boo!!

2008-01-27T04:36:00.000-08:00

wah.. 2dae arh.. morning as usual, 5.30 gt up, 6.30 reachd cck mrt.. then i gt off the mrt, so i cld buy breakfast n dun nid to starve tis time.. muwahahaha.. met ariel so late, then we saw eugene on the mrt, n he say, u late liao.. lolx.. we scared lyk death, ended up reach at 7.30.. muwahahaha..=p

when we reach, me, ariel, n xi wen, so shockd lehx, all the seniors gather so tightly till u cant walk btween 'em leh, they all suddenly watch walk in the canteen, when me step in the canteen, then everyone seperate n set up bow.. haha.. so scary, u didnt c tat..

tis was the 2nd sun we go for training, nw it was so relax... haha.. we sat in the canteen for half the time of the training.. but i sad when im in there.. i hab to watch the juniors, us, hab new arrows, but me left on the rack only.. haix.. i hab to wait till chn new yr then can buy.. haix..

duno y lukey came, but i didnt really bother him.. haha.. duno y.. then after training, we went northpt eat, then we palyd the food game, making a mess wid sauce n soup n ice kachang.. haha.. then we hab to eat it if we lose.. haha.. n i lost once, n it ended up deliciously gd..

EMO!!

Play game face north=p

Looks lyk wana kill me hor??

Lyk being EMO

2008-01-26T01:20:00.000-08:00

2dae we 1st time interact wid coach so long.. at least longer than usual.. haha.. others startd to buy arrows liao, but me still wana wait till chn new yr.. haix.. some of 'em said wana lend me the money 1st, but i rejectd it.. haha.. y nt jus b patient?? lolx.. even though all the bows r gone, i still can gt one.. haha..

i ask coach for the price of a bow, then he gave me a booklet gt show all the bow de.. haha.. but i aimming a 980 bow, but till nw stil dun hab idea how to gt tis money.. i was tinking of asking my mum, but obviously she wun allow.. haix.. wat to do?? im so obessed abt the new bow, but whr do i gt the money?? at least nid a deposit of the half the price of the bow, 490... haix..

all buy arrow de, saw me wana buy new bow, they lyk look at me when im walking to coach.. they r lyk, u buy a bow better than the seniors arh?? lolx.. bow is gd. but overall cant challenge wid the upper seniors la.. haha..

so fan abt the money.. sian..

2008-01-25T05:58:00.000-08:00

lolx.. 2dae one person orderd arrows frm mr lim, then one by one in olympic grp, junior de, suddenly stressd out bcoz of the distributn of gd/ bad bows.. haix.. then some so kiasu, they wana faster buy.. then some bhind gt say tis one sounds so loyal but end up buyin' 1st.. haix.. tis kind of ting is natural, kiasu is typical personality for sg ppl.. haha..

bcoz of the insufficent of bows.. i tink i buyin' one on my own, nt the one issued by the sch.. haha.. but.. the prob is.. the cost price.. 800+ if im nt wrong.. haix..
hmm.. but nvm, i work hard to gt tat... muwahahaha..=]

then after training 4 ard 5 days, final can do much of the "form" correctly.. haha.. but i duno when can gt into the higher division.. haix.. but its ok.. who calld me to b poor..? haha...

2008-01-24T08:20:00.000-08:00

haha.. been in for archery for a fully wk liao.. haha.. so far, its been everyday training after sch, eventhough it wasnt compulsory.. haha.. its fun, fun till making u wana stay for more targetting shots.. nt the fun tats making me motivatd, is the sport tat is, tis one is the only weapon involvd cca i eva gt.. haha..

being in archery, cca, i gt tanned for training, nt tough, but jus sorching hot under the sun on sat.. haha.. gt sun burns on sat, n sun was lyk letting the sun complete its unfinish job, burning me lyk charcoal.. Ouch*

Met new frens in tis cca, seniors duno i 2ndyr student, n hopefully improve my arrow targets.. enjoying the times in archery.. hope i wun lose interestd half way.. haha..

my fren who was changed back, when back his normal ways again.. haix.. tis time i'm nt bothering him anymore.. nw he's llyk a parasite of my other fren... if my classmates tink im changd, i wld b happy.. i wana changd to b more independent, wun even bother others, jus do wateva i wana do when i folo 'em..

frenz taking o'lvl results, hope u all gt flying colors.. =]

2008-01-17T08:15:00.000-08:00

learnt so many tings 2dae.. cam turning n cam millin', a module using gibbscam, software, to work on the machines.. may sound amazin' after u hear tis, we nid to make a drawin' on tis software, n after finishing the plan, jus put ur saved data into a diskette, place it in the machine n.... "poof!!", da da da da..!! the machine finish ur workpiece in 10mins.. haha.. nice rite?? "yeah!!!"=]

2dae master the 2 module's skill liao.. haha.. so happy, but there's more to learn.. jus hope my classmates wun hab too much troubles lyk me.. muwahahaha..!!! im the master at work.. ok, mayb i had some help wid 1 small mistake..

then i tot a gal tat i knew lyk me, coz she was lyk kept callin' me, "baby", n says, "i miss ya", n eventhough she was unwell she still say, " sat i still go there c u, c u i happy oso".. but heng she gt stead liao, no wrry liao.. "yeah!!!".. after knowin' it, i jus askd her to b my sis, n she jus startd callin' me gor immediately.. haha.. so happy to hab an adorable sis.. =p

2008-01-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

haha.. thinking abt 2dae, makes me laugh a little.. haha..

b4 reaching sch, i realised alwiyah, a classmate, calld me, so i had to return her call.. when she ans, the 1st ting she said was, y u nw then return my call, "y nvr tell me u gg out of ur hse alrdy?", then the 1st i said was, "y do i hab to tell?", then she said, "ya hor".. lolx..

then when i reachd sch, she offerd me the chocolate she bought b4 we mit up outside sch, then i refused her offer, n i was lucki tat i did tat, coz it was melted n look so disgusting.. haha..

the 1st lesson was so boring, makes me puke.. lolx.. the 2nd one was the weird n fun lesson.. the teacher was so weird, he wantd us too react the way he reactd abt the rm, n had a discussion abt it.. so lame.. then our project for the module was, guess wat, tinking of a method to seal up the door "peep",window, while able to c thru permanently.. its so easy.. make us sound so stupid.. lolx.. then wee hoe had a new name, JOHN, haha.. but i prefer Johnny.. sounds more uncomfortable for him to me..

heard tat ben n shawn they all gt go HSD, hu song dian, duno y, feel upset nt knowing.. but theres only 4 words for tis situation, "NONE- OF- MY-BUSINESS".. y shld i bother someting they nvr tot of telling me, even they tell me, i oso nid go lesson.. haha.

takecare reader, cya everyone.. hehe..tml will b a better day..

2008-01-15T07:58:00.001-08:00

haix.. everyting back to normal.. finally gt my fren back.. but.. i duno la.. haix..

sometimes, ppl say, frenship isnt really someting tat can last 4eva, sometimes they btray u, sometimes space frm u, sometimes cheat on u.. haha.. i nvr blieve, coz i trust each n everyone of 'em.. even i noe one of 'em stole my money, i wld still tok 2 him n play ard wid him.. haha.. even consult him when he or she has a prob.. duno m i too kind or too stupid..

2dae lehx.. 1st day start workshop 4 project, teacher repeatd the knowledge we knew last yr, was yawning lyk hell, so boring.. haha.. then when we startd work then i realise tis project ting is the combination of last yr'module, which i tot 4 sometimes wat was it abt.. afte doing the basics of my workpiece, we had lunch break, i didnt hab time to reach sch in time, so wee hoe helpd me.. when i reachd sch, i saw wee hoe doing 4 job, 4 workpiece on his own.. duno i was stress abt tis, or feel lyk using him.. since he was doing it, i had to sit ard, but i having a heavy feeling towards tis.. haix..

heard tat dhaslie gona quit ite, gg 4 private o's.. duno wat i shld do, support him or persuade him to stay, up till nw, he's still a online fren, nt really a real fren yet..

2dae huiling gt new hp, then kept taking pics, so we startd fooling ard, taking pics.. the pics r below tat i hab in my hands.. haha.. take a look..=]

Caught in action

Block too slow =p

Wat i drew when im bored, nice mahx??

Look lyk a advertisement rite?? haha..

2008-01-14T04:22:00.000-08:00

really duno wat to do nw.. haix.. wana tok to him face to face, jus cant make it to tok to him abt it.. haix.. ended up telling him thru sms, but dun mind tings will change a nt.. haix.. nvm.. jus let it happen when the time flows..

then, 2dae i went to clementi ite go find hazel they all.. then, abit dissapptd when i went out of the college.. mayb i shldnt go find 'em in the 1st place.. i 4gtten i nvr really belong to b wid 'em.. the story is..

when i reachd there, all they really did is looking at me, n jus kept most of the time toking to their own frenz.. nt blaming 'em, jus upset.. then when i on the way out, i saw kel, cld say is my x-god bro, but i dun tink nw is a nt la.. jus tat.. i was relieve to hear frm him, " dun smoke too much.." b4 hanging up my call.. touchd but.. still wondering y he suddenly say tat to me.. but who cares?? at least he show a bit concern to me, nt wat everyone will do to me.. is lyk so limitd.. at least i noe it doesnt reach 20.. no no.. 10.. haha..

wonder who wld read tis entry.. haix.. missd the old days having my x-god bro ard.. so fun.. haven had tat feelin' since i left sec sch..

2008-01-11T03:47:00.000-08:00

hmm.. suddently feel lyk putting an entry.. haha.. suddenly so upset, duno wat to do.. yup.. i can find a type of spot, its difficult to change another kind of spot.. haix..

i hab tis fren, was close b4, apart after the holidays.. cld consider he was the only best fren in sch.. but no longer.. i realised i cant trust him anymore, coz he jus hab to say things which r unnesscary to others.. haix.. when the 1st wk i met him, i dislyk him much, but then i tot he was the person i tot, so he was my best fren in mind.. haix.. who noes?? he start working wid the other fren, n he starts sticking lyk sticky flour, sticking on ur fingers.. i duno wat to say.. the feeling is terrible, is lyk being btrayed even it was a btrayal..

making a fren, n ignoring n disrepect the others, tinking in a high position wid the new fren he has.. laughing at frenz jokes, frowning on my jokes.. i bet im lyk a kid, but i cant bet i can stand ard do nth.. of coz i jus wana stay away.. but sometimes, i cant really stay away..

at least alvin, yong xiang, jun xian, guo sheng, cong ming, kailiang they all in my sch too.. haha.. they can b consider my god brother de best frenz n classmates.. so i dun mind having them ard when im free.. haha.. at least i hab them to run to..

i wonder if tat fren can c tis a nt.. haix.. hope he changes.. im too softheartd to tok to ppl str8 4ward, even someone stole my money, i oso hab to sms him to ask him for the truth.. haix...

useless me..

2007-10-21T05:15:00.000-07:00

hmm.. y i do tings always wrong de? wats wrong wid me? haix.. i help ppl, ppl say i wrong.. i try negotiate for ppl, then oso gt scold.. i gib ppl ting, then the ting can coz 'em trouble.. haix.. y i always wrong?

jeff n hazel quarrel, wana help 'em frenz again, ended up gtting scold by who?? the wrong side.. the person who is at fault, jeff.. haix.. hazel dun even blame me for helping him tok, but him..? fck sia.. tats how he repay his kindness.. haix..

haix.. ytd leh, i went help wen yi 出狮，end up cant help out much, haix.. ppl dun lead, i cant do much.. my memory no gd, i cant even remember the 狮鼓, demo thousands of times oso cant remember.. haix..

then i gave a lighter, a pistol like lighter, nearly coz no.4 in trouble, haix.. bcoz of my stupidlity.. if i cld hab tot of it, he wld b so angry liao.. haix.. next time i tink i dun gib liao la.. i tink i too stupid liao la, wana gib present oso can gib a gd one, jus buy cheap-skate one.. haix.. knew he wun wan it de.. always gib ppl tings, i wld afraid they dun wan.. haix.. present reject the 3rd time liao.. haix..

then, i realised a new knowledge, a new experience.. wherneva a close fren, or buddy tells u, no gal/ no boy will b more impt than our frenship, our time spending 2gther.. mayb i'm wrong, but in 10 guys/ gals, when they hab steads, at least 7 will start toking on the fone, go out, spend last time 2gther.. who doesnt agree? haix.. tings r jus so, hmm.., realistic.. tats y, i always afraid own fren gt stead, unless the both of them r my fren la.. haix.. takecare readers..

2007-10-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

haix.. finally starting n ntry again.. haix.. xin fan then will add entry de la.. haix..

i keep tinking, y m i so useless..i dun understand y.. being someone lyk ah ben is gd enuff for me.. haix.. but i cant even b half of him.. haix.. look, he is gd looking, attracts gal, make ppl happy, gd at toking, hab a big frenship circle, quick in tinking, there's more.. me?? haix.. dun say much la, jus basic, i cant gt any gal to lyk me.. i only hab rink, sch, ex-classmate as my circle of frenz.. i'm freaking damn ugly.. cant make ppl happy, instead i did the opp.. haix.. wtf man..

last time he gt teach me how to hab gal, attract one, i noe the result, i seen a result.. but i jus cant do wat he said as in, wat he said was jus one sentence, but i cant even do it.. my brain is jus too small to work on tis.. haix.. "AH BEN ARH, AH BEN!! WAT CAN I DO??!!" haix..

i gd in wat? at most, sports, study.. nth else wat.. haix.. wana join lang sai, the heart is there, but... the talent is lyk.. hmm.. -20000%.. haix.. i'm totally trouble maker type.. arh.. mayb tats wat i'm gd in.. haix..

toking abt lang sai.. haix.. ytd nt enuff ppl, so me n ah ben take over at the start.. haix.. he b head, me b tail.. but in the end, i troubled him.. haix.. if i was someone better, he wldnt b so troubled.. i was behind, no experience, n keep coming up, oso keep moving behind, bcoz i dun how far m i suppose to go.. haix.. then there was a 2nd round, n was assgn to partner wid me again, i saw his face n i noe, he regretd.. haix.. srry..

in my frenster so weird, jus change my status, as in relationship & dating wid boy n gal, wah.. so many gays n bi add me lehx.. haix.. of coz some is i add de la, but is they view then add de ... bcoz i gt tis habit liao, who view i add who.. haix.. recently add some gals, but i dun tink any of em wld lyk me.. till nw, i didnt hab any gal's no. thru frenster, pathetic rite? haix.. fck sia.. can any gal teach me how to attract a gal??!! but i dun wan anyauntie tell me arh, ltr i only attract the gals' grandma only.. =p..

haix.. to me ah ben is my bro liao, jus tat i'm nt his, n he stay somewhr else.. yup.. all we do is fool ard, run ard.. yupp.. lyk kids hor? haix.. but tat isnt the pt.. the pt is anyone, esp peixiu, wana trouble him, come find me 1st.. even wana find a one on one partner... i'm nt afraid to lose my dog life for someone i'm loyal to.. sound so bad, but i'm to b command.. but even he knew he is a bro to me, things wun change, i noe.. bcoz, i tink, gals is more impt than frens n brother, gals can say nitex, takecare.. brother n frenz can say..."....." nth, yup..

i bet theres no reply to tis entry, no one wld read it anyway, haix.. nito..

2007-09-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

yup. i had enuff.. since i'm nth, i'm invisible, so b it.. I'll nw announce.. I'M BORN WIDOUT A FATHER, NOR GREW WID ONE.. i only hab a brother n a mum..

since he doesnt treat my existence as a reality, then i treat him gone.. i better off he's gone than ard hurting myself being ignored.. believe me, when i'm serious tis is it..

2007-09-21T22:32:00.000-07:00

i duno... haix.. duno y in my mind,tings made me wrry, lyk, someone irritated by me, soomeone hates me for wat i did,someone close tat matter to me.. haix.. i had a dream last nite.. i was alone, i was invisible, no one saw me, everyone was so happy.. haix.. duno wat to do nw.. haix..

seriously, since young, i did nt really hab a brother nor a dad, nt really didnt, but is living as if i didnt had.. since young, my dad favored my brother, bcoz he is smat, sensible, n had the same interest.. but me? always stand by the side, unable to gt in.. nw? i'm still in the same condition, but wid a diff person.. haix.. haix.. i'm fated to b lyk tat bahx.. mayb, fated to b someone to live alone, someone who cant hab someone close to b wid for a long period of time.. haix.. wat shld i do? haix..

sometimes, i admit , bcoz i tink too much tat irritated alot of ppl, but is jus someting tat i an tink of tat is the worse scenario, esp when the person i'm loyal to.. haix.. lyk my parents, there disciple, my ite frenz, in anyway, i'm still lyk fcking loyal dog to b used.. made fun, fool wid, abuse, hate, all kind of stuff, includes gd n bad.. even i'm hit on the head lightly, i cld treat it as a padding, a way of encourage.. buah my head wid bare foot, i oso feel encouraging, but applies to ppl i'm loyal to la.. i'm lyk a weirdo, no one wana gt near me, i'm jus an unknown speice of alien tat made my mum pregnant n gib birth to me.. haix.. duno y, feel so odd everyday.. so left out, so... xtra..

2007-09-21T10:44:00.000-07:00

msg to: 福★AhBeN☆福

haix.. pls 4gib me, if i say anyting wrong.. i nt saying anyting to oppose u, jus saying my non-imptance in tis family, i'm nth but a slave dog, nt saying ill treated, jus saying as if dun exist.. haix.. pls bro.. haix.. in tis whole family u r the one i appreciate the most.. u r indeed the childish one, but oso the one who can fool ard wid me, n gang up wid.. haix..

u can say i sissy, ah gua, gay.. anyting u lyk.. in my dictionary, someone who can fool ard, treat me, i'll b lyk.. dog for life.. haix..

i'm holding up everything against u, u're nt the person at fault, i m.. i'm the person who is useless, unable to fit wat my parents lyk, but u do.. haix.. things tat u noe, even abt tis tua, i duno anyting.. no one teach me.. jus to fit in wid u all, i wld even tink of jump god.. smoking is oso the same reason applied.. haix.. but doing all tis, i still dun fit in..

u all can tok alot wid my dad, my dad always tok alot of things wid u all, but me..? in wk, he wun tok to me more than 20 times, besides games, movie, show, my maid n u all.. nth else liao.. if u were me, wat will u feel.. haix.. i duno if u understand wat i'm trying to say a nt.. haix..

even i gt anyting against u all, i wun b even gt angry for long.. haix.. u all helped me much to, even i didnt do much, but i still appreciate to b wid u all in the lang sai troupe.. at least gt experience.. haix.. i'm jus a loyal dog wid frenz, n a glass in my family.. mayb someday u shld ask my dad wat happend when i was sec 4.. haix.. abt me stay at fren's hse..

hope u dun gt angry wid me.. haix..

2007-09-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

hmm.. i'm sadden each day, by my non-imptance.. haix.. transparent to my parents, always.. all they can tok to is ben, shawn, samuel.. then ben, shawn , samuel.. who else? ben shawn samuel? then me? haix.. when my dad tot, who can acc me to go "AA", then he remember, ben shawn samuel, then me? y m i always nt in the help out list?

ben, nt blame u for all tis attention frm them to u, is all the un imptance abt me, tat let u b attended all the time.. haix.. i leaving my hm, jus to let em noe, let c, my imptance.. nt saying all bcoz of u, i leaving hm.. haix.. pls, at least help me takecare of em for me, so i wun wrry much, if u dun come my hse bcoz of wat i said, tat made u misunderstand, pls come.. the blame is nt on u.. pls dun angry wid me la.. haix..

i beg u a million times.. haix.. u n shawn is the closest wid me in the family... either of u angry wid me, i'll b damn sad.. dun lyk tat pls.. i beg u.. haix.. tis family isnt the place i can stand in, nt anymore, nt since... 2yrs ago..

2007-09-20T09:06:00.001-07:00

haix.. wat is my position?.. whr i stand? m i an outside or m i a part the family? haix.. i tot of is for mths, i tot i change wat i usually dun do, into something i wana do.. but, my kinship is still nt there.. i'm still transparent.. wat can i do abt it? steal? vandalise? commit suicide? or kill someone i noe? haix..

in anyway, i'm still the transparent one.. even between 3 of us, i can still b ignored, mayb, nt ignored, is used for someting they r lazy to do.. haix.. wtf did do wrong in my previous life to suffer tis..? ARGH!!! i wana kill myself nw, smoke myself to death, bang the wall n die, jump off the fcking building.. i cant stand tis anymore..

in sch, i duno wat to do.. which fren to trust, which nt to.. similarly, in the rink too.. haix.. teamake chers can make fun of me, classmates can criticise me.. haix.. all i can do is jus listen, tok back, n HEARTBROKEN.. haix.. who wld understand tis? prensence= absence, useful = useless, the way to describe me in my family.. haix..

jus nw samuel gt in the hospital.. haix.. chest pain.. haix.. we so gan cheong, fast send him to hospital.. haix.. we wait till 11+.. haix.. tat time my mum,then samuel.. haix.. hope next is me, n stay there 4eva; die there..

2007-09-06T10:14:00.000-07:00

okok.. my brain is exploding.. haix.. as usual, jealous, no, envy of ppl's capabilities.. haix.. wat ppl can do, i cant.. when ppl can teach em how to do, no teach me.. haix... how useless m i?? haix..

then when i hab tis kind of prob, i hab no one to express to, confess to, only to myself.. haix.. mayb i can express to everyone, but i jus wan one person to share wid me tis secrets i hab, nt wanting everyone to noe abt it.. in the other words, i wana tell a person, only me n tat person noe my feelings, n tat person will keep it safe.. but till nw i still cant find tat person.. i tried to trust ppl, but they jus hab to tell it out.. haix.. who can help me keep tis secrets..

i wana find one way to vend my anger, vend it till its gone.. but till nw, i still cant find tat way i can use.. haix.. can some ppl tell me ur opinion? opinion on how do u each individual vend anger... haix..

2007-08-30T11:36:00.000-07:00

hmm.. sian.. rain rain rain.. everyday rain.. haix.. then i hab to b wet everyday.. haix.. duno if its me who me weird a nt, i jus hate taking umbrella, but always very wet go sch.. haix..

wah.. recently suddenly lyk lion dance duno y la, jus lyk out of a sudden.. last time always heck care one.. hehe.. recently oso gt find lion dance vid frm sites.. yup.. mayb influenced by ben n shawn, coz they'r lang sai siao.. hehe.. oopx.. 0.o

recently duno feel lyk skating liao, dun y la, mayb bcoz i dun wana c jiamin bahx.. feel so btrayd.. haix.. who cares anyway.. i oso dun hab feeling wid anymore.. the other reason is.. haix.. start tinking.. by next yr.. i dun gt to c my brothers anymore.. mayb i do, but nt as often.. one nid to go NS, the other start attachment.. then another one stay somewhr else.. actually i dun care abt the last one.. =p.. hope we can b brothers 4eva.. haha..

san ge, si ge.. take care in the future, ok? hehe..

2007-08-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

haix.. rough wk.. dun y my mind so filled wid probs, easily angry.. haix..

recently start smoking again.. haix.. sian.. so stress, dunno wat to do.. there's one fcking gay gg ard touching, taking advantage of me.. then sch practical sux lyk hell.. haix.. sad.. last time can win wee hoe, n challenge him.. nw? i'm lyk a loser under his feet, he has to low down to tok to me.. teachers of grinding n miling tinks his lyk a genius, but me is opp.. haix..

2dae suddenly feel, invisible.. after sch.. haix.. still cant stp myself frm tink, y m i so useless, y m i always looked down on, y m i nt respectd.. haix.. ya.. ppl lyk respect.. i respect others, who respects me.. haix.. i wonder, how many ppl who r youngest in the family having the same fate as me a nt..

nnt being respect is one.. useless in studying is another.. someting worse is hopeless in relationship.. haix.. i jus suggested nt to stead too quick.. who knew..? it was a total lie.. i was made use.. i'm jus a trump card to let her reject another guy.. haix.. all she can say is srry.. fck her die die la.. ccb.. haix..

recently finding job.. but gt 2.. but no calls.. haix.. if any of u readers hab recommendation, sms me.. 81221327.. thkx..

2007-08-19T10:41:00.001-07:00

argh!! so angry today.. haix.. but... i oso sad.. haix..

last nite we when cemetery, sua deng, hill peak, then i went really had no use in such thing, i wish i had.. haix.. i was assign by ben, to help take his bag la.. having his bag, one by one ask me take care of their hp n wallet.. haix..

then suddenly, they nid to take things, back frm hm, but they duno the direction, i mean cousin's fren didnt noe the way, nt familiar wid the way back, so i was asked to folo.. haix.. then i tot ben they all might nid they fone, 1st i wantd to pass back to ben, but who knew he was busy, so i passed to ah bee's fren, gf i tink, bcoz i tot i can trust her.. so i passed to her n i went off.. haix..

then 2dae, wah.. i slpt to 3+, yup.. pig, i noe.. when i gt up, ben n samuel toking wid my parents in the living rm, was abit interestd though, but hair so messed up, tat i ran to the toilet, unnoticed, then bathe.. when i came out, i took the rice tat my dad bought back, then sat at the kitchen secretly listening, didnt noe y i did tat.. after eating, i went to the living listen, even i didnt had much to comment, in fact, i had nth to comment, bcoz i was lyk transparent n so low knowledge abt wat they'r toking abt.. yup.. nvm..

ltr after tat, my parents wantd to send my bro to camp, then we'r suppose to hab dinner after tat at geylang.. haix.. then mean time, me,ben,shawn, samuel left at hm, waiting for the time come to go out to mit my parents for dinner... haix.. me ben n shawn went down play hwa sou, 2nd time ben teaching me, finally i noe liao.. thkx to ben.. haix..

we rushed to geylang after samuel pass thing to his fren, then we ate dim sum.. haix.. 1st time ben take food for me.. HAHAHAHA... of coz mux return favor mahx, so take for him oso lor.. haix.. then when hm after eating.. ben they all stayd for awhile, then went hm liao..

the next thing troubled me, put me at guilt, haix... ben calld my dad, then he askd me last nite if i did pass ben's bag to anyone a nt, then i knew he lost 200 dollar+.. haix.. i was so shocked nahx.. haix.. then i was online, waiting for ben online, c wat he nids to say to me... tot he wld scold me, but instead, he said nvm.. didnt noe if he was angry a nt.. i was jus.. haix.. tink tis wk smoke again for a while liao.. haix..

LISTEN UP CULPRIT, LET ME NOE WHO YOU ARE, I WILL HIT U DE.. I WISH IS NT AH BEE THEY ALL...

mean time, no matter wat, i still will return ben his money de.. haix.. srry ben, hope u really nt angry.. haix.. mayb u dun trust me wid ur things liao, i dun mind, i oso dun wana lose any of ur things liao.. sincerely srry.. hope u dun stp toking or pei me play at hm.. haix..

2007-08-13T23:56:00.000-07:00

haha.. my eyes healing.. yup... still gt blood clot though.. haha.. thkx to my eye, i gt a 1 wk holiday.. haha..

haix... went to batam last fri.. haha.. okok lehx.. the trip nt tat bad la.. jus realising wid his disciples, im transparent at times.. so i gt a new title for them in my family liao.. haha..

no.1 : Samuel
no.2 : Edwin
no.3 : Shawn
no.4 : Ben
no.5 : me

yup... tis is the position of my family, the 5 sons of my dad n mum.. yup, cool rite? but no matter wat at times, i'm still tranparent in all of them, include my brother.. yup.. sad arh.. haix.. sometimes i wonder, wat i'm angry abt, abt my dad, or abt his disciple.. haix.. dun care la..

jus hope someone can pei me everywhr i go, nt as a slave, jus as a close fren to trust, n tell everyting in my mind.. haha.. but no one can, esp midnite.. mid nite most emo de..

2007-08-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

long time no blog hor? srry guys.. haix.. nt many ppl read anyway.. haha.. silly me.. who wld bother my blog much..?

recently gt a bad sore eye.. ok la.. nt very bad la.. bcoz i lyk tat eye.. haha.. so cool.. i call it a monster eye.. bcoz u can c the blood clot in it.. haha... ben n samuel gt infected by me.. abit guilty, but they recover liao.. me still haven.. duno y, i feel glad i haven.. hehe..

sad arh tis few days... lyk so lonely lor... nt much ppl bother abt me in my family nw, include ben n shawn, mayb in the start, they jus entertain me bcoz i was their shifu's son bahx.. haix.. i always wish at hm gt a close person to tok to n play wid, esp when i bored.. when i bored, i feel lonely at hm lor, even wid he tv on, i can rot on the sofa.. haix.. was so happy tat ben they all can pei me at hm, but.. nahx.. jus fu yan me nia, nt really lyk playing wid me.. haix.. i wish i gt a brother lor, at least outside lor.. haix..

last night, i went to find joys, yanyi, n xiu hui.. we kinda "chat", so call chat la.. when i reachd i gt say by xiu hui, then she go hm.. then left me, yan yi, n joys.. then me shift sitting position, changed to the benches.. then when i say i go buy drink, joys was half slping, then yanyi was toking on the fone.. when i came back, joys was slp alone lor.. lolx.. after awhile, i called xiu hui, then she took cab find us, then send us to joys' blk.. after tat they go bukit timah find their fren, none of my business lor, so i go hm la.. then we seperate liao lor.. haix.. n my way hm, i feel so sad lor.. suddenly tot, wishing someone can pei me walk under the moonlight lor.. accompany at nite, ton outside lyk last time lor.. haix.. but i dun tink anyone can lor.. haix..

wish i can find the real brother soon.. haix.. i'm hope the brother i find is a caring one.. but.. nahx.. wun happen...

2007-07-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

hmm.. srry for late entry.. haha.. been lazy to blog tis days.. limited time to gt online.. yupyup.. hmm.. rink stuff change alot, gd relationships turns bad, gd frenship turn bad too.. haix.. sad..

back to normal terms wid akira though, gd thing, but can't last time.. hmm.. nt say can't last, is.. no use liao bahx.. bcoz, i nt skating again liao.. dunno how long wld tis b, but.. jus a rest bahx.. haix..

all tis started when i trusted the wrong frenz, frenz tat r "big-mouth", frenz tat can't hold their mouth wid big secrets, sensible when spoken.. big memories.. dun wana list'em, they'll noe who they r.. hmm.. i'm nt petty or anyting, tis kind of stuff can't b fool ard.. wat if example, when u were raped once, n u were sad n terrified, then u told ur fren abt ur thoughts n feelings, bcoz u trust tat person, then tat person has to show off the secret.. pls.. tink, tink b4 say tis kind of tings.. u can tink its ok to say it out, u're nt in the wrong, n i'm the petty one, but c one day tis mayb happen to u.. c wat'll happen.. u noe who u r la..

then, kelvin.. dunno wat u tink abt me nw liao.. hmm.. jus wana tell u tat, i'm really srry tat i didn't go town wid u all.. seriously, i really lazy to walk ard town liao, always seeing the same things.. i nvr went town for mths for the same reason.. hope u understand.. pls dun mistaken me as i'm lying u to, i told u i dun wana go is bcoz of money, is being, gg town is bored to me liao.. srry.. u can angry wid me, but pls dun say i lie to u.. i mayb tot of lying to u, but i didn't want to.. yup.. i mean after thurs tat u said a few words..

wilson, sometimes, u can't jus say stp for something ur fault, u started the wrong, u shld end wid a srry.. u can say if i only noe half the story, but my part of the story is u criticised ppl's skill.. for tat is ur fault, even though my condition wid 'em, i nt siding 'em but siding the reason only.. dun gt angry.. u shldn't criticise ppl's skill, sometimes its a bit sensitive, bcoz they already sad inside for the same reason.. so.. u wana criticise, say behind, nt advisable though, at least its better than look for trouble.. yup.. jus try end wid a srry.. dun quit for a small reason..

hmm.. end of entry ler bahx.. any comments.. => in the tagboard pls..

2007-07-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

hmm.. things are falling apart in my sch, i mean me n my sch frenz.. then the rink too.. haix.. hoping joyce can tok wid me, but, hp gt prob, suppose to call, but no calls frm her...

1st, ite.. me n my original bunch of frenz, the chinese guy, had been 2gther for 5mths+ liao, but after holiday.. i dun feel lyk being wid 'em.. after the holiday, all look lyk dying, can stone at stairs looking in the air doing nth, when i make 'em laugh, they say i siao.. pls, i who wans to b in a boring environment, i'l die of boredom lor.. i mux well b sitting wid the gals there toking crap, at least play games lorx.. mayb disturb 'em oso la..

2nd, rink.. last time still okok status, but nw... is lyk, i'm already a hi-bye fren to all liao.. haix.. but something is still the same, i always skate alone, mayb gt pop up some ppl pei me a moment, but still, i skate alone most of the time.. haix.. i dunno la.. since the start of the 6mths, i dun belong anymore, jus lyk i'm squashing in by force.. in the other words, " XTRA!!"..

2007-07-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

haix.. feeling so down now.. so guilty.. he played with me, but i ended up hurting him physically out of fun.. haix.. so sad nw..

i was so bored as usual, but ben came, even though he was disturbing me frm watching a video, in fact, he was disturbing me while watching the video, i still was happy, bcoz in the way i look, he was playing with me.. haix.. he hits hard, i tolerate, but i didn't mind even he hit harder, he was playing a fool, fooling ard.. haix..

but when he was up on me, without any harm, i hit him, nono, push him by the back of his knee, then he fell down, n he hurt his knee.. haix.. so sad.. i didn't did tat on purpose.. haix.. he was playing wid me, but i hurt him painfully..

i tink he is angry wid me nw, few days ago still ask me follow him n my dad they all go somewhr, but jus nw he lyk ask me pass him his bag then go liao, while saying his knee very pain.. hope he recover fast, n dun angry wid me.. haix..

2007-07-07T23:32:00.000-07:00

hey.. everyone has stress, ya? so, even i gt stress, i oso shldn't bother abt it, ya? bcoz, in a way or another, i still hab to live wid it.. haix.. i can as many time as u wan me to, but in my heart, "wo bu fu"..

ppl can say how tat person really treat u, how tat person help u, n wat so eva.. u all can believe abt wat ppl say, esp ur mums, dads, or relatives.. But nt me.. i wun believe till things appear in my eyes.. my dad's sis, my " gu ma" always say my dad care abt me, concern alot abt me, i treat to believe tat, but.. i can nvr b close wid my dad.. dun say at my age, i nvr had a father n son time wid my dad b4, mayb only wid my mum only.. if ur dad treats ur fren or someone, at ur age, better than the way he treats u, wat wld u feel...? when ur dad goes out alot wid tat person more frequently tat u did wid him, in fact, nvr b4, wat will u feel? can u even imagine it..?

haix.. look at me, when i'm wid frenz, i wun tink of such things, bcoz i'm nt lonely, but when i'm lonely, things happens, wild tots to b exact.. each time i hear frenz go sporting, go shopping, or do something wid their dads, i'm lyk, "oh... really?" even my dad dun come back often,but treats me tat way, lyk a son, i dun mind.. tis is how desperate i wanted a dad's care..

look at my brother, even he, last time oso gt go out wid my dad.. haix... even noe, my parents care abt him alot.. damn lot.. then me? warn me tis, warn me tat.. i'm only a person wid trouble at hm, lyk a time bomb..

as my mum spilled the beans b4, she without realising, she said my dad take gd care of us brothers bcoz he noes we r my mum's presious.. so.. u all shld noe wat it means.. haix.. nw i tell u, it means, mayb nt bcoz of my mum care abt me n my brother, my dad wldn't even bother abt us.. haix.. sad..

2007-07-05T22:13:00.000-07:00

wah.. tis wk is the worse wk of the whole holiday man.. haix.. so bored at hm.. hey!! i'm rotting here, helloooo... haix.. omg.. then tis wk, the sun is blazing hot, for goodness sake, jus rain for a sec pls.. haix..

then i hab a maid, ok, quite new, haven reach half a yr at least, is lyk omg.. she's sluty more n more by time.. haix.. i tot she was tat kinda maid, who r very kind, erm, n dun complains.. haix.. then for nw, i dun tink so anymore.. she's lyk.. scolding behind our backs; keeping wat she needs to say in her heart.. haix.. she comes, she gt close, then she conquer!! arh!!

there's good stuff though, she cooks gd, speaks eng well, dun slack.. ya.. good stuff.. bad stuff is, complain abt wat she does in her mind, complains wat i do, complain wat i didn't do, apply stinky lotions lyk my previous one.. omg.. she kills me slowly.. haix.. i wonder, Y THE FCK DOES ALL MAIDS COMPLAIN ONE? SIAN LEHX..

then, wid my maid ard, n my brother ard, i'm expected to slp wid my maid, wtf.. if nt, i slp on the couch.. so stupid lor.. haix.. how old m i liao.. no logic at all.. isn't there any better idea to sort tis out.. hey, i'm a boy here, a male teenager, abt to strike 17 soon, very soon to b exact..

haix.. my life sux.. tis is one of the reasons at least.. bad huh..? n who speaks abt tis, u'll b so dead.. if u'r a boy, i'll kill u, if u'r a gal, i'm gona rape u.. =p

2007-07-04T06:25:00.000-07:00

hmm.. if u'r in my heart, u'll feel tat, its very stuffy,in fact stuffy tat u can't breathe.. haix.. jus trying to say tat, there's alot of things in my heart tat can't b spoken out.. things tat i duno wonder i shld share wid others.. so troubling tat i hab to tink of it even sec when i'm blank in my mind..

wonder who gt experience tis.. haix.. so sad lor.. lyking a person wid i shldn't, a person tat i'm impossible to b wid.. haix.. but, i tink i'll still lyk tat person, since i oso wun lyk anyone, mayb really single 4 life.. haix.. relationship in my is lyk no more hope liao.. haix.. but nth to b sad abt, lyking the person behind their back oso can.. support tat person as long as i can.. hehe..

2007-07-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

hmm.. y my heart switches target so quickly? nw i dun tink i lyk tat person liao.. sian.. nw aimless again.. hmm..

skaters, i'm wondering.. y do i always feel something is amissed in the rink? lyk something is gone, but i can't realise it.. haix.. so sad.. nt much to say here actually.. jus popping out for an entry.. hehe.. update soon when there's entry.. hehe..

2007-07-01T04:12:00.000-07:00

haix.. life's as usual.. nt position in tis family at all.. no one really care abt me in tis family.. even i die, i dun tink anyone wld care.. last time i had a family out there, i tot i wld fit in perfectly, till my mum break us up.. then i had no choice but to come back in tis broken family again.. but nw.. i gt back the chance to hab a better family out there, bcoz i'm back in the rink again.. yea..

i jus cam back frm batam, then, i feel worse then eva.. my dad's disciple, youngest one, ben, he disturb me, of coz i disturb him back la.. but when its my turn to return on him, he ran out, at the same time, we're abt to go out for dinner, then he lyk complain to my dad while running away frm me, then my dad gave me a black face bcoz of me disturbing back on him.. i mean wat the fuck is tis? m i even treat as a son? show me a black face for someone nt in the family? so.. u noe wat it means huh? HE'S TREATING HIM AS A SON ALREADY, N I'M NT EXISTING AS ONE ANYMORE!!! isn't it nice to b in my position?

then in batam, we 7 ppl in 2 rms, i wid my dad's to disciple, Ben n Shawn, then we nid to share bed mahx.. n they can even kick me down the bed, dun allow me to slp on the bed, mayb even expect me to slp on the ground, N THEY R OLDER THAN ME!!! WAT THE FUCK IS TIS RESPECT I SHLD GT?! AS IN, AT LEAST WE CAN SHARE THE BED WAT!! KING-SIZE NAHX!! dun say batam la.. even in my rm, MY RM LEHX.. the one tat takes my bed, can even kick me off the bed, even if im beside their legs nahx... HEY!! ITS MY BED TAT IM SAYING, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING EVEN IF THEY ALL LIE ON MY BED NAHX.. i dun mind it, i only wana lie on something soft n comfortable, y do i always gt the hard one?

my mum is lyk an old queen in the family, she can't leave wid out her leave, a bit of thing, she scared " throw face". afraid of embarassment.. in batam, bcoz of the bed thing i was upset already, then i went there rm, jus in a few sec, my dad call me to info his two disciples something, while he can call'em thru the fone of the hotel.. then b4 i go out, the can close the door, as if they dun wan me go in lyk tat, then dad's disciples, when i knock, no reply.. if u were me, how wld u feel..? then i stayed outside, since they gg out in a short while.. haix.. i was lyk so upset.. then when we go out eat, we go eat at a market, we eat sea food.. sad mahx, how to smile rite..? my mum can even SCOLD ME, NAG AT ME, SAYING THINGS ABT ME.. then i can't say wat Ben N Shawn did wat, or ltr they scold 'em or wat, esp my gu ma, my dad's 2nd sis.. then tat one nvm lehx.. b4 gg off, my stood up, then dropped her chair on my foot nahx.. then guess wat... SHE SCOLDED ME FOR NT PICKING UP HER CHAIR FOR HER, STILL TOT I EXPECT HER TO PICK UP FOR HER, IN THE OTHER WORDS, SHE WENT OFF WID SCOLDINGS N NT A WORD OF APOLOGIES LOR..!!!

so do u tink i hab place in tis family??!! huh?! wat wld u do in my position.. haix.. when i gt a gd family out there, i'll let'em c how impt m i in the family.. i'll ditch my family away, soon!!!

haix.. tis is weird, but.. i oso wan 3 of 'em to stay wid my family, they'r the only once who can accompany, play wid me at hm, or i might rot all day.. most of the time, i look forward to them coming my hse.. their lyk entertainers, no one to entertain, then entertain me.. nw behind me, my dad oso playing wid 'em for awhile i'm blogging.. haix.. mayb, if they'r force to go, tats impossible, i might sacrifice myself to stp my parents, esp, Ben n Shawn.. haix..

2007-06-28T01:47:00.000-07:00

hmm.. my com is back.. haha.. so long nvr blog liao.. my com jus finshed repair work.. nw havin free time to have blog while studying wid wilson n joyce.. haha..

gone to batam for 2 times in a mth liao lor.. then tis sat gg again.. sian lor.. but go overseas very fun.. hehe..

suddenly, so scared abt relationship thing lor.. arh!!! okok.. scariest thing is.. 7 in a mth.. nw one gone, then 6 to go.. hmm.. sian lor.. nt showing off.. is jus, they're nt my type lor.. haix.. then i oso tink i'm in luv, but is oso called as forbidden luv.. in the other words is impossible... haix..

tis big holiday is gd, but, it's too.. BORING.. hmm.. sec sch frenz.. in awhile they nid to start sch again.. tis all ite mates, nt busy, but jus nvr go out wid'em often lor.. sianx...

haha.. nw so happy.. gt rink frenz back again.. back on my past life.. but... duno if there's any difference in treatment towards me or nt.. haha.. mayb hab new frenz oso.. gd liao.. haha.. so happy.. to enhance frenship in there, i nid to skate more liao.. haix. NO MONEY!!

haix.. family prob is endless.. nw.. i realised, i happy having my dad's disciple ard, n oso upset.. haix.. in the family, they r the only ones who can pei me, n they r the ones who folows when my dad goes out, most of the time.. sigh.. so stress..

2007-06-19T12:39:00.000-07:00

wonder wat i cld even say abt 2dae..

i had a penpal to tok to abt my probs.. then.. had a few new siblings..

one korkor, = Dhaslie
another one, didi, =Junhao
one more korkor, = Shawn, nt my dad's disciple, so no wrries

2007-06-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

seems lyk, everythings' down hard on tis famiily.. hmm.. realised, ppl in tis family has hot temper, esp my mum.. haha.. my dad usually keeps quiet to let ways to my mum, very wei da, but.. he nt in very gd temper wid me.. haix.. then my parents, they still treat him so well, treat him lyk king.. when says buy bed, then they buy.. in the end wat? my brother yelling at em? then he cried? then my mum goes crazy too.. haix.. sometimes, i jus wonder, y can't ppl jus quietly tok tis out in tis family, esp my mum.. always complain abt us, complain tis complain tat.. haix..

hmm.. samuel, my dad's disciple, oldest one, 21, he is oso in an unreasonable family too.. esp his dad, if i'm nt wrong.. sometimes i tink he's poor thing too, he's lyk a beggar, nt criticizing him, jus a adjective to him.. haix.. he oso can't control he's actions, n gets bullied by my dad's other to disciples.. i believe he has a kind heart, but nt a gd helper.. he still a kid inside bahx.. one day, he said he's parents nt happy wid him always here in my hse hanging ard, n u tink tats pitiful for him treated badly for..?

u noe wat? my parents r worse than 'em.. when i was making up wid my fren, kelvin, i always go his hse, sometimes stay over, as a position as his big brother, so happy at tat time, even his family lyks me being able to take care kelvin for 'em.. then some day, when i had a bbq party, i stayed over, 2am+, my parents call kelvin's aunt, who's my god-mother at tat time, they threatend her, saying they'll call the police if i dun go hm rite away.. since then, they treated me diff, is tat fair to me? who's bad in life? if u look at my mum in a way, she look kind, young, pretty.. to me, is ugly, old, n "jian", bcoz she changed my life since then.. haix.. she cared too much, controlled my life too much.. T_T

i said all tis, bcoz i noe my dad's 2 disciples cld see tis, they reads my blog once, i'm jus saying, my mum isn't really a person to b trusted, only me n my dad can b trusted, bcoz we can b trusted wid secrets, loyal to frenz, even if my dad reads tis, i believe he agrees to me.. even we aren't real bio father- n - son, we still hab the same habit n character.. hmm.. so.. ben, shawn, trust me, dun trust my mum too much.. haix.. i noe its bad to say tis, but, she may even be say bad stuff behind u all wid out ur presence.. haix.. T_T

ben, if u wana noe y i changed frm the person u 1st seen, is becoz, u changed the way u treated me when u 1st seen me.. u wld'nt hit me or scold me.. ya.. if u dun do tat, i really wun b attitude towards u.. in me, i take u 3 as brothers, someone my mum gave birth to.. even wid my brother ard, i feel lonely at hm, no one bothers me, no one cares n plays wid me.. only u 3.. haix.. T_T

even though i noe tat ben n shawn looks in my blog, i still post all my feelings despite wat they wld say.. i wun restrict myself.. i trust.. tats the only thing tat comes by between 1 person wid another.. lyk, partners nids trust, classmates nid trust, couples nid trust, playmate nids trust.. wid trust u can strive high in ur life, can gain support n help in the way.. =]

lastly, abt tis wed, i gg back rink, heard so many things changed, esp skaters.. then, i decided tat, i'm willing to face wat i nid to face too.. tats.. akira.. i can't jus hide lyk a cockroach, hide in the dark.. i hab to take the risk, to squash me flat.. wonder wat wld happen to me, esp when i remember how hateful his eyes were when he saw me the last time, we cld even kill me at tat time.. haix.. take care if someting really happens on tat day.. wish my last wish wld come thru, tat is everyone who noes me, b happy always, n dun b upset bcoz of me, i'm nt worth it..

2007-06-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

hmm.. life's difficult.. everything jus rushes thru.. ppl say when u, when u're enjoying, its lyk a blink of an eye, when u're suffering, its lyk yrs gone by.. sometimes i agree, but nt nw.. to me.. enjoyment is gone faster than the eye.. suffrage is oso faster than the eye..

i didn't enjoy the hatred i earnd, but i still stood up for mths, 1/2 a yr to b exact.. but, its as if a wk ago.. haix.. having gd memories, but bad past is very painful in the heart.. who wld expect a caring brother can turn into a anger/ hateful brother; full of hatred against me.. painful.. who cares? even i pray wid my life for the frenship, wld it work? no!! haix.. if it really takes me to risk my life, mayb i wld still consider.. haix.. doesn't matter la.. haix..

life is full of surprises, life or death, happiness or sadness, uprise or downfall.. this is something, something tat everyone shld learn, shld noe, shld acknowledge, n remember, all tis r made by the 2 major thing, fate & destiny.. u dun depend on gods, angels, satan, ur mother, ur father, ur frenz, NO ONE!! only fate & destiny n control all tis stuff, believe in it, is better than nt bothering it.. i'm against u ppl believing gods, jus against u depending on it, wat makes the diff wid being a slave of the god u worship? nth.. u may say i utter rubbish, may wana whack me, but u mux remember to tink thruly, wat i say is something sensible a nt.. haix..

u all hear tis, u can say i still nt sensible in the past, but, thru all tis sadness, loneliness, i believe i'm gd enuff to scare someone who last saw me in 1/2 yr ago.. i tell u, if u dun tink i change, i bet wid my life, i'll die for u.. it lyk a bet for lying to u all, all readers..

2007-06-12T11:16:00.000-07:00

hmm.. my new life.. things had start changing, since the day i had no choice but to leave the rink.. i had to hab the mind of myself.. the ways i wana go, the path i wana take, the decisions i hab to make..

nw, even nw, i still haven successed much, my confidence, my looks, my judgement of frenz.. i tink i'm still hopeless, ugly, n hab no frenz, no loyal totally once.. but, someone change this by a bit, its my fren shawn, he bcame my brother, older than me by 10-days.. haha.. at least he cared for me.. haix.. we r brother, hope its for life..

but somethings can't b changed, lyk rink ppl 4gt me, my family treating me the way they r nw, esp my brother treat the way he is nw.. haix..

in one sentence i can describe my life, "my life sux to the core, tat no one can eva reach.."

2007-06-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

hmm.. always wonder y i'm born to b the youngster in the family.. it sux being the youngest, only want me to respect ppl, but nt ppl respect me.. all ppl can scold me, tease me, say me, hit me, all kinds of mean things, but nt me on them.. wtf does everyone wan frm me? can i own my own life myself?!

i take blows, blows tat hurt damn hard into my heart, things lyk family problems, frenship problemx.. haix.. duno how long will tis last, how long to take it to end.. haix..

jus toking abt my family, my parents, they.. can call me do stuff, lyk take money, buy stuff to eat, buy drinks, n as if they can't do those things by themselves.. is lyk... nvr b4... n when i tell my mum tis, she'll reply, " mummy work so tired, ask u buy for me things can't mehx?", its lyk so ridiculous, even when she on leave oso wan me buy stuff.. even nw gt maid, still can ask me go down take money.. wah.. tired being command..

then my dad, always had nth to do at hm, then always wana use the com to play games, even when i wana use it.. then he plays so long, tat i cld slp while he play, when i gt up sometimes, he still haven play finish.. n he knew, the com is the one entertain i can gt.. as in, besides tv la.. then when my brother come back, dun say my brother tell him he nid to use com la, my dad will automatically walk out of his rm when the sec my brother comes hm, n i really meant the word "AUTOMATICALLY" wid out the word out of my brother's mouth, is tis fair at all?

then, the three disciples, the older one, can't help ppl... the middle one, still ok la, jus always folo the youngest one to play la.. haha.. then the youngest one, very reckless can say is a bully to the oldest one.. they all always, nono, most of the time folo my dad, then, when they come together, they play very mindlessly, as in, they r playing real, real pain.. lolx. lyk kids, no difference.. sometimes, the oldest gt scold by my dad, as in for his own gd, but he sometimes hits him hard though, but still for his gd.. the other, i dun tink was eva hit by my dad.. esp the younger one, is lyk folo my dad as if is his father.. n my dad, treat as if he's his son.. as if, i'm the last one in place to b a son lor..

then my brother, the fcking selfish one, the one who shows fillial, but so evil to his own brother.. he sux more than leechers do.. at least leechers suck till their full, but him, sux foreva..

haix.. then they rink ppl.. i tink by nw, i'm a 4gtten subject, no one noes i exist, no one cares my life n death.. haix.. wat m i? wat m i in tis world? haix..

2007-06-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

sometimes, when gg each place, place wid memories.. wid skaters, ex-buddies, gd frenz.. i wld feel so down out of a sudden, so weak out of the blue.. mayb the results of being emo..

duno who has weid feelings lyk i do,lyk, feeling lyk a dog, wana act/live lyk a dog.. i wonder y too.. mayb, i lack out something a dog hab tat i dun, i bet isn't a tail.. mayb is care i'm really search for.. frm someone bigger than me, nt old ma la.. older than me by a couple of yrs, lyk a big brother or sister.. mayb tats it.. i wonder..

last time, ppl say i live lyk a dog, mayb skaters noe when esp rene, but i really didn't mind, wats main isn't the security, is the care n concern station over there.. but.. no longer anymore, it is convert to the opp nw.. no one, i mean no one can take thee place till nw, everyone is ignorant abt me.. haix.. tats my life i live.. so i shld make myself live lonely, depending on myself.. when can i find the result.. haix..

ite frenz, can say brother, n say sister.. but who noes is it true tat they treat u lyk one or behind u gossipping abt u n ur personality? can't trust ppl to easily, unless something over there is proven, show tat u realy can trust tis person wun backstab u.. even i noe, ppl dun trust me, scared i back stab, i can't say anything, bcoz.. wat m i? i trust ppl so strictly, mayb some ppl criticising me for tis part of me, who noes? even noe, i put a list of ppl i trust, inculde every one i noe in the world i noe, there wun b 20, i dun even trust my parents, how many can i really trust? my cousins? my so called god brothers? who??!!

y does life hab alot of obstacles? y can't it b perfect n problem free?

2007-06-06T08:57:00.000-07:00

here my entry again.. haha.. tis time, it mayb nt b as boring as last entry.. hmm.. being EMO, isn't easy.. some times, old fren, sec frenz, may nt b as boring as i tot.. hmm.. jus the times we can remember, to refresh..

2dae i had an outing wid my sec frenz, small amount, 11 ppl including me perhaps.. i really tot it wld b boring, ya.. misunderstandings, gossipin', wat so eva, lyk childs' play, if was the cake negotiation, i wun b there at all, jus tellin' the truth of my appears, they can angry wid me.. ya.. childish stuff happend, who knew, i was part of it too.. haha.. soon had disagreements, i was jus gg by the flow, folo my gd fren, gs.. hmm.. i admit i didn't had money, mayb a few dollars, after robbin' bank.. * Srry piggy, i'll return back de.. promise... lolx.. srry, was toking to my piggy bank..=p

if it wasn't gs, who help me pay 4 my expenses, i really wld b dead by nw.. eating lyk a hungry ghost when i reachd hm.. anyway thkx gs n yh, didn't expect bcoz of me, u all didn't cycle, n ps me.. really touched though, but wat i really wan is u all to hab fun, i really hate being odd one out, treatd diff, as in, bcoz i dun hab money doesn't mean u all can dun hab fun.. i chose the path, when i ask u all to play n enjoy urself wid out me, i wun blame u all for me loneliness, i chose, i decided..

hmm.. only one part i really wasn't abt, the part during u all having dinner, i was lyk, really left out, its lyk 11 ppl.. 6 boys, 5gals, grp of 5 boys chat, grp of 5 gals chat, n me.. in the mid, bored to death, n left aside.. haix.. tat actually doesn't matters at all, bcoz i shld gt used to it, i really shld gt used to b alone, i'm lyk a weird kid, mixing ard wid normal kids, in shrt, i'm always odd one out..

i hab the weird thingy in me, once i c a dog/ puppy in the eye, i jus feel lyk i was it, n the once in the cages at Vivo, some were excited, esp the jumpy once, but some were scared, frightend by the kids, the ppl watch them, they r lyk being watchd by tons of eyes.. i was so sad for em, i wish cld free em wid my bare hands..

in the end of the day, when we were still in Vivo, well, it was better, things still worked out, i ended up mixing wid a grp of galx, but it wasn't tat bad though, was choclate, drinks, shopping n fun.. hey, wait.. still gt WATER!! we played catching on the roof garden, ya child's game, but was lyk back in sec sch again.. haix..

left wid the gals

me, gs, n yh

suddenly shot

proper smile, but still ugly

Act Cute Only!!

2007-05-24T06:11:00.000-07:00

haix.. i had it all alreadi.. i dun wan tis life anymore.. i dun wana b in tis family anymore.. i'm sick n tired alreadi.. tis sux man... in his eyes, i dun even seemed lyk a son at all.. is lyk, he has no choice b ut to take care of me lyk tat..

last time, he always say i hate him, i didn't noe y he always say tat, when i didn't even hint abit of tis info to anyone at all, i nvr tot of it b4.. but nw, my head is filled wid all tis things, hatred, hatred, n more hatred... i hate him... i knew there was something wrong with wat he said abt me.. he was jus asking 4 pity, i hate him 4eva..

nw wid his disciples, i'm lyk shit, its lyk, when i wana eat my dinner me my prob wat, i'll eat, n tats the matter, y keep hurrying me up? we aren't gg out or wat u noe?... then when i told him wait, he jus gave me a stupid face, lyk saying,"how dare u disobey me?", but, even i nt hungry, wat can i do? put a zip me my stomach, n pull all the food in, n zip it back up mehx? even my mum, knocked the door lyk king kong, for wat? just to ask me eat, when i'm already eating.. then she said she was jus concern abt me, scare i starve myself.. tat was acceptable.. but the unfair part is.. my dad's disciple, even they ignored him, he wun gib tat stupid face to them.. haix...

and he even let them eat wid him.. but me?? eating alone in front of the tv.. haix.. he can ask do things than to ask his disciples... wats tat??!! haix.. nt only his disciples, my brother.. as i said b4, they worship him.. my brother say wat, they praise him... he gt money, can buy things for them, they praise him.. me? even when i didn't want to late, bcoz i can't slp at nite, they still scold me, n take excuse to confiscate the com n my charger for hp n gba.. so unfair.. haix..

if my life can b better, i'll do anything for it.. but i will nvr wish to hab my dad to care 4 me anymore, i hate him damn lots.. parents treat me lyk maid, they can do stuff, but they dun wan, ask me do stuff bcoz they're lazy.. even i jus reached hm, i was tired after sch, n they were jus slp till the afternoon, they can still hab the face to ask me buy their lunch.. wat m i? their or maid? they're lyk shit lor.. after i bought 4 them, nt even a thkx came out.. haix.. fck them la..

if scold my parents can really gt stroke by lightning, i might as well die, than to survive to face tis kind of shit life.. =[

2007-05-23T00:16:00.000-07:00

sometimes.... i wonder y life is always unfair to me.. haix.. frenz dislyk me, rink ppl dislyk me, family dislyk me... whr can i fit in tis wrld? wld someone want me, accept me to b with..? i noe i'm lyk a wacko at times, but when i hab someone accept me, in a short time, i'll b reject out to the dark again.. haix.. y can't ppl understand me.. y can't ppl understand wat i'm trying to do?.. haix..

todae my fren toked abt fathers' day, i was lyk, "omg..!!".. sometimes, i feel my life is filled wid misery. lyk no one care, no one understand i'll i'm doing or saying.. haix..

recently my mum confiscated tis com, i found it, so i used it for awhile, haix.. the reason she said was bcoz i hab a habit leaving things on b4 i slp.. i dun hab the habit, but it is the only i can make myself wake up.. i left my com on, bcoz i was selling some stuff.. then my lights n tv, was used to wake me up in the morning.. then i only charged my hp n gameboy, then i didn't of the switch when i take out the cable frm my hp n gameboy only wat, even the switch was on. it doesn't consume any electricity at all lor..

she confiscated my chargers n com.. my way of life, is to fight for freedom.. who restricts me frm doing things as threat, i can still overcome it, n try to prove tat i can live without it, eventhough, i really nid it.. nw to prove to my parents, i tot of buying my own com, by saving.. sounds impossible, but i'll try my best to do it..

2007-05-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

sometimes... i'm so sad.. sad till i duno how to express it.. no one to express to, even theres one, they might nt even understand how i feel.. haix..

how can someone noe how it feels lyk when u're neglect by family? tats y i nid frenz to support me.. haix.. but frenz?? whr r all the true frenz?? whr are they!!!?? i already lost one bunch of gd frenz, they r the best of all frenz, they r a grp, rinks frenz.. but wat i lost can't b retrieved anymore.. haix..

my family doesn't let me fit in.. anyone can fit in, but nt me... i always been odd one out the family, even between the disciples n me, i'm still odd one out, nt saying my brother yet.. haix.. sometimes.. nt only them, even i tink i'm useles.. when my mothers' day, i didn't gib any present.. when dad's b'day, i wasn't able to gib also.. sometimes, ending life is so... "flowing water".. something i always tink of when i tink of my family prob n frenz problem.. sometimes, its sadness tat i can't express to ppl.. how hurts, how much pain in my life.. it may nt worth u readers' tears, but it is worth my blood and soul..

i wana cry nw, but i can't do it.. so sad inside, so happy outside.. haix.. wish my life cld end soon...

2007-05-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

pls scroll down 2 the sec last entry for an urgent msg..

i found out something weird abt me, its a habit of mine.. i hab a very sensitive nose, i smell things very wisely, i can smell very well... lolx... tat isn't the pt.. the pt is tat, i'll fall in luv wid ppl wid gd scent, but nt those strong kind la, its those bland type, those wid the smell coming in after a few sec into ur nose.. its lyk, u can fly man... oops.. i mean i can fly man.. when i tink its gd smell, i wld wana smell more, n more, moreeeeee... lolx...

i really can't deny on my nickname in pri sch though.. i tink C.C. shld noe, rite?.
so so, if u lyk me, u can use gd scent.. if u hate me use old woman scent.. but i tink there wun b anyone wid gd scent anyone i noe, who r reading tis blog.. anyway, i bet no one lyks me, in luv kind.. wateva.. i wonder, if boys gt gd scent, i'll lyk them a nt.. mayb i wld b a bi-sexual if i do tat... but till now still dun hab such thing happened, i tink.... hope it wun happen..=]

2007-05-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

blog maintence succeed..

links r on again.. if i'll missing out ur link, pls tag me or inform me for the addition of ur links.. if there is a mistake in ur link, pls oso do inform me to check to the correct one.. thkx for ur cooperation.. =p

2007-05-20T07:05:00.001-07:00

hmm.. days pass by, every sec, every min.. each sec passes, part of memories fades.. but some memories will nvr find, it only goes with u to ur casket, to ur coffin.. this memories are classified as happy / good memories of our lives..

you noe wat? the happiest memories i hab in mind now is, the days between start skating and quit skating.. had alot of memories in there, jus for a short 1yr 1/2 only... those memories took over my sec sch memories, childhood and every kinds of memories... but... i only can think, but nt gt back again.. theres this big obstacle over, an obstacle i can nvr gt over.. and it is ... Akira.. haix.. i didn't wan to mention tis name anymore, but its truth, if it was bcoz of him, i wld b still skating in the rink.. nt his fault, he didn't do much to stp me frm skating, its jus me, its jus me fearing abt him... duno how to place tis... haix...

i wish cld gt back... yea.. ppl can say, "ignore him, u dun disturb him, he wun disturb u de.." but i dun tink so... haix.. nt saying bad things abt him here.. jus expressing my fears.. wateva.. hopes rink frenz can 4gt me, each n everyone of them.. hockey, figure, rental... all!! lyk i nvr exist in the rink b4.. NVR!!

2007-05-17T05:47:00.000-07:00

SPECIAL!!

this one is something i just wana express out.. if u're interestd jus read it..
tis one is something abt a real god-brother..

when i was young, i was gd with kids, mayb nw too.. =p
even nw, i hab a case of a teenager, i hab mind of a kid.. i admit i'm childish.. back to the point.. i was gd with kids, then theres a kid, was my dad's frenz son.. he was so innocent, abit scaredy, as in doesn't dare to do stuff without his mum.. haix... then at tat time, i was abt sec/ pri sch student.. and i always had alot of fun with him, playing ard and stuff lyk tat, nt lyk my brother, so strict and so nerdy!!.. then he always slp smiling when i see him slp.. i tot it was very normal for him, lyk me..

but till one day... my mum actually tell me, he was a very lonely boy.. he is fun of sadness.. he usually slps n shivers.. if i didn't recall wrong, my mum said something abt him having no dead.. 4gt the reason.. haix.. then i was lyk, so shocked, didn't expect much frm him, nt something lyk tat... haix..

after my mum told me tat, she actually askd me to let him b my brother, as a god brother.. i hesitated at tat time, but i was so glad i cld hab a younger brother for me to take care n care 4.. haix..

for a distance of time, they didn't mention, didn't even go out wid them at all, as in the boy n his mum.. i didn't ask my mum y, but i wish i can c him again.. haix..
having abt to hab a younger brother is very exciting, but when u lose him, u'll cry inside even if u dun cry it out.. haix.. even nw, i'm crying inside out.. duno if u readers understand wat i'm saying a nt, i'm jus saying i'm missing to hab a younger brother n being a big brother.. i actually had his pic when i was sec sch student, but i lost it somehow for no reason.. haix.. T_T

2007-05-17T05:18:00.000-07:00

haha.. srry 4 me 2 take so long time 2 blog again.. my life is jus as usual.. haix..

in sch.. duno if i'm wrong a nt, i tink i'm gettin' closer wid ppl in there, wid in my class only.. nt gd at all.. haix.. argh... wateva.. doesn't matter, jus go by the flow.. lolx...

then my family life, argh.. still ok la.. dun hab much problems, bsides my brother though.. i noe its nt a gd thing to do, but i feel tat he sux!! when he's nt hm, i'm more free, but when he come back, its lyk , "oh shit!".. he takes the com lyk breathing, he uses it the whole day, without leaving his room.. then when he goes out, he comes back very quick.. ah!!!

anyway.. Joel, i duno if u're looking at tis entry, but.. dun pity me bcoz of my entries.. its nothing, everyone hab problems in their lives.. its jus in a diff way though.. to all ppl all there, reading tis freako's blog, pls, dun let a problem b an obstacle 4 u 4 ur whole life, gt over it.. =P

take care ppl.. let the soul out with u..!!

2007-05-11T06:06:00.000-07:00

haix.. tink wasn't wat i expected.. didn't expect i coz trouble to skaters again.. haix.. i heard bcoz of me, there was a conflict again.. haix...

seems tat i hab to dissapt u joel... i dun tink i shld stay in the rink anymore.. all i coz is trouble, n disagreement btween skaters.. haix.. i shld hab stay at hmm.. srry guyx

2007-05-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

hmm.. srry for the late entry..

hasn't been any gd days at all... things r still in tragedy.. its lyk, still sad, lonely, disablitity, u gt tat?..

lost most of the rink frenz, lost contact.. only some were still in touch, as in the close ones.. haix.. i always wished the life can gt back tat way again... but.. i dun tink its possible anymore.. esp wid akira's anger.. haix.. i nw tinking of 4gtin' the memos i hab in the rink, n hab the last skate b4 i sell it.. i believe no one can stp me in time, or no one will at all.. haix.. rink life gone in the flow.. nw is gaming life/ ite life.. mayb enjoyable, but nt lyk the rink life.. its lyk involvin' in a big family, hab probs settle 2gther.. but.. i hab no choice but 2 leave it.. haix.. as wat ppl says, "when u gotta go, u gotta go". hmm.. i tink tats all i hab to say.. haix..

2007-04-23T01:22:00.000-07:00

haix... so many probs nowadays.. my mind is full of trash..

family, money, frenship, studies, relationships.. haix.. still gt memos!!

my dad they gt prob abt the rent thingy, i tink.. then owe so many ppl money bcoz of mahjong, then kept on asking me play, even i dun wan.. sian norx... the money owing keep rising.. haix.. then my mum dun gib me pocket money for the whole wk.. sianx...

then, my dad's disciples, no comments, as usual, they can help, i can't help... then nw oso concern abt my mum... me as a son, y can't i noe? if dun wana let me noe, dun tok abt it in front of me la.!!! tat time tat happend, i tot things 4 a moment, then i went out to take some fresh air.. i ask ppl pei me, but no one was free.. haix.. then i went down, i tot things well, then went back my rm.. haix.. if tis kind of things keep gg on, my life may nt go on...

then my dad's disciple n my cousin, very big conflict, i'm lyk a middle man, okok.. mayb only my cousin is nagging on me only.. hais.. both side is related wid me, i close up abit wid the guy, my cousin nagged bad things abt me in my face, then i nt very close wid him, he looked abit "buae song", haix..

then my sch studies, alot of stupid self test to complete, so difficult... lyk study o'lvl lyk tat... sianx..

sometimes, i dun lyk my cousin, she is a bit bossy, abit fussy, abit auntie, mayb resembles as my mum.. lolx.. but some times, she's to open to frenz, then feel she is abit flirty.. haix.. i oso dun wana tink of her tat way.. but... its tat way.. haix..

take care

2007-04-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

i jus dozed off jus nw, a few mins ago.. i had a vision of a weird possesion.. i say ppl possesed by erlang shen n xiao di uncle by clestial hound.. weird again.. haix.. nt criticising xiao di uncle.. jus saying wat i dreamt of.. srry..

2007-04-15T07:14:00.001-07:00

tis is another of my series of weird dreams.. tis time its seriously weird one..

tis one is lyk me n my family, n my brother's gf, my cousin n one of my dad's disciple, we went to some kind of golf course resort... a weird resort though.. the golf course wid puddles, puddles tat looks lyk a pool.. n my dad's disciple, the bad guy one, he kinda changed into trunks, tat's impossible, n funny part was, he put the shampoo n soap stuff in his trunks, it was funny when you c tat.. okok, out of the funny part.. my family they all went for a swimming, but my brother's gf didn't, so did i... we were lyk in a haunted resort, i was lyk able to feel unexisting existence in the rooms i view, n it was lyk total darkness.. then only one room, whr my brother's gf was, i didn't noe y, but i kinda tryied to kill her, unintentionally.. haix..

y??!! y tis kind of weird dreams??!! is lyk, i dun hate his gf, y wld i try to kill her??!! after tat dream, i wake up, n it was 6 am+, when i slept at 2?? how was it possible? can someone tell me wats happening to me??

2007-04-15T07:14:00.000-07:00

2007-04-14T01:04:00.000-07:00

haix.. my days are getting more n more stressed, day by day, hr by hr, my heart started to pump faster n faster every sec...

i've dun stand any place anymore.. my dad's heart is in the tua, me hab no idea abt the tua stuff, but his disciple knows everything... i may noe how to speak hokkien, in cantonese, but i dun lyk using it, its lyk my mum wil say, "wah, u noe how to speak hokkien/cantonese arh??...", i duno, i jus dun wana hab tat praised feeling, bcoz i noe one day, she'll start say out to the whole world i knew this n tat...

haix.. all i can say is, i can't do anything now, now dad's disciple is lyk his 3 sons, help him in anyway, but me? stupid, hopeless, useless, n troublesome.. last nite, i saw my dad gt prob, but i could help at all, all i can do is folo orders, anyone noe how stressed is it to b helpless? his my own dad, i can't do anything to help at all... at that time, i was thinking everything thru my mind, i felt lyk running out, asking his disciples stay as his sons, then i stp being his son type of feeling.. haix..

in the tua, his disciple do every kind of things, me? i do nothing but sit there tok to my ah ma/ grandmother, what kind of son am i?? useless huh? sometimes i noe i can't tink at all, as in senditively, but i'm jus some stupid ite kid, i'm no brains boy, jus stressful boy.. only thing that is full... haiz..

i tink tis isn't tat kind of blog to tell ppl abt my life, its a express feelings kind of blog, lyk scolding ppl publicly bhind they're back.. lolx.. haix.. dun even noe gt how many ppl view my blog.. dun even noe how many noe abt my blog.. haix..

2007-04-10T03:02:00.000-07:00

hmm.. my weird dreams came back again.. its worse, i dreamt my cousin, frm my mym's side, gt 2gther wid my dad's disciples... i dreamt i was with kelvin's family... y tis weird dreams?? sigh.. i wish i cld noe the reason..

2007-04-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

haiz.. my mind... lyk keeping something away frm me.. i feel yk as if, i lost something, something really important, or i wan something, but i can't gt it.. i duno wats tat... haix..

day by day, nite by nite past, i dream weren't things, dream of rink frenz wid me again, reunite... dream sec sch frm, unite wid me... as though, i wld lose them, or lose myself.. i duno y, i jus feel so scared, i duno wat 2 do, i can't ensure tis feeling definitely.. haiz... even i tok 2 ppl abt tis, even i myself wld confused.. haix... someone help me..!!! T_T...

2007-04-08T06:01:00.000-07:00

haha...
last nite when 2 cemetery... its been yrs, since i went there wid my guai bei liao.. haha.. st time go wid dad's disciple... haha.. i wasn't been able 2 help at all, 2 say the truth, lyk go there ai shou ai jiao lyk tat, haha... so useless of me... but though, i'm happy tat i was there.. hmm.. hope my dad is alrite.. punished 4 something tat is nt his fault... sian.. mayb, i shld learn faster upon my aim, so tis kind of thing wun happen again.. hope any reader out there can assist me...teach me some lesson, slap me if u wan.. haha.. bcoz i'm nt dreaming..=]

last nite, i was lyk humpty dumty, i had a great fall, both big toe bleeding, knee oso.. but no big deal la.. haha.. treat it as a punishment 4 listening 2 my mum,then my family oso stuck outside of our hse 4 a period of time, jus bcoz i listen 2 her, nt 2 bring my own key bcoz my dad gt liao... in the end, my dad's key is other ppl, then no key go hm, then start blaming others 4 her fault, in fact, she oso didn't expect tis will happen, so, oso can't blame her...

2007-04-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

hey... i tink, i'll 4gt abt the virus thing liao... haix.. i tot over, no matter, i can't misjudge, or accuse other, until i gt a conclusion... nvr 2 suspect other.. o i dun wana care abt the virus thing.. haha..

hmm.. gt a breaking news... one of my dad's discple gt an accident, n he.... i was srry 4 him... haix... he injured his leg, walk very slow... haha.. he didn't had any big prob, he was knock by a container truck nahx.. lolx.. so heng... hmm... lyk wat my dad's disciple said, dun care abt wat happened in the past, all tat matters is the present... haha.. okok, mayb tis wasn't wat he said 2 me.. hehe.. i 4gt wat he said 2 me tat time, but anyway, ya, 4gt the past.. no matter how a person treat u b4, it doesn't matter, the prob only lies on how they treat u NW!!! =]

lyk me, if daniel didn't heck abt the past, abt wat i did, wld we b frenz nw?? but, eventhough i duno wat he tinks abt me, all i hab 2 do is, treat him as a fren, dun suspect any acts frm him.. if i can do it, u can too... hmm... i sound lyk old man huh??

seriously, is my blog very boring?? sometimes, i oso duno wat 2 write, then anyhow write... haha... say out my secret.. hehe... o ya... i wana cry liao.. i so sad nw, i feel lyk jumping off my hse window, i can't tand it anymore... my mum banned me frm mahjong, bcoz i no skill, no MONEY... haix... okok... tats all...

if gt anything wana ask me blog, tag me... hahah..

2007-04-03T05:40:00.000-07:00

hmm.. nw i wana change statement abt the bad guy of my dad's disciple...

i still duno tat wat he said was true, tat he didn't knew anything abt sending the photo album, but he mayb rite, bcoz i gtthe virus 2.. so ppl chatwid me in msn, pls dun accept the photo album no matter wat... even if i say pls 2 open it.. thkx..

2007-04-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

hmm... so happy tat there's ppl starting 2 view my blog, hope u all can still support me on reading n tagging of my blog.. thkx...!! =]

back 2 my blog, hmm.. recently i changed my tots, ya.. i realised, i can't trust my dad's disciples after all, only one though, he's the super gd guy.. haha.. he has a strong will, he will do wat he wana do, haha, my idol.. haha.. but dun tink me wrong, ijus wana b a person wid strong will.. ya.. okok.. mayb i shldn't say one, there's 2, the another one is a really bad guy, mayb jus plain naughty, but still bad guy..

he tried 2 gt virus in my com, isn't tat evil..?? haha.. he say tis com oso gt virus, then duno he send the virus oso.. do u believe tat?? n he told me 2 accept it, bcoz he jus made a nude foto album of his own, haha!! i tot it was fishy, so i send it 2 my fren 2 change on it, then he was caught by the virus.. lucky i nt attracted 2 look at nude boy's foto... haha.. at least the hao lian disciple of my dad's better than him... haha.. duno y, i tink tat hao lian guy is bcuming a better person.. yea..

new i gt a new aim, i've 2 learn hokkien, learn more things abt taoist gods... all tis stuff learnt, i'm back as my parents kid again... haha.. hope i can achieve it, i'll ace it... wish me luck readers..

2007-03-31T00:57:00.000-07:00

hmm.. i wonder how many ppl really looked in my blog nw.. last time, when i was in the rink, my blog was full wid tags, but nw?? i changed my blog url, jus 4 an irritating pest, i sacrifice the whole forest of frenz jus very a dieased monkey... jus a description, but i believe his nt one.. anyway, when i stay on in the rink, it was the familyship in the rink tat let me stay on, n akira is the bond of the whole rink, in the end, he hates me, n all hates me, expect 4 some though..

the reason i wana look 4 family out there is, i duno, mayb my family is nt gd enuff 4 me 2 fit in.. lyk my dad, he is gd in hand work, painting, fixing, those rough jobs tat no one can do in the family.. my mum, only one supporting the family, so very strong will.. my elder brother, someone who is worshiped by my parents, nt only my parents, even by my dad's disciple bahx, i guess.. he is a commando in training, go in studies, gd in speech, gd looking, is lyk totally opposite of me, someone whole opposes me in my life...

n ya... the really prob wid me in my family is him, 4 example, when he comes back frm camp, my parents will lyk gather his disciples 2 play mahjong at our hse, but me?? even if i'm alone at hm, they dun bother, only bother abt my hunger.. seriously, i dun mind abt nt bothering me alone at hm, wat bothers me is they treat him lyk god.. i may nt happen the way it seems, b 2 me, i tink its tat way..

hmm.. even my dad's disciple, they may nt worship my brother lyk my parents, but in between ytd's mahjong, when i was frustrated abt wat my brother said 2 me, i was abit upset abt it, then i showed a little temper on the mahjong table, then they showed some signal 2 each other, i noe they r toking abt me, but wat??!! haix.. i'm so stressed out nw.. how many youngest one in the family can gt stressed more in the family?? in fact, i treated my dad's disciple as my brother already, but tis still happens 2 me.. y life jus can't turn 2 my way, y is it always in the opposite??!! sometimes, i can't stand tis, but all i can tink of is 2 stay strong, but i duno when can i stand tis till, wld someone save me or wld i live tis way till i die...

bcoz of my brother, 2 oppose him, i've 2 gt in the same rank as him, n tat's y my aim nw is 2 gt in 2 NTU no matter wat it coz.. n frm nw on, i wana b a man, someone who can stand by himself, someone who everyone envy n worship... hope tis will happen..

end of my entry, wid sadness..

2007-03-29T01:51:00.000-07:00

as u all noe my life change after getting out of the rink.. i believe the ppl in the rink hab changed 2.. i really missed being in the rink, i always wana get back again, but when bad memories gt into my mind, i start 2 hesitate, feel lyk gg in there relunctantly... i noe is easy 4 u guys 2 ask me ignore tis person, ignore tat person, but 4 me, it isn't easily as u all say, bcoz, each n every one i noe, ppl i care, ppl i concern, they r part of my heart, part of my life... they can't b removed, esp wid' in a short period of time, is lyk a duration of erasing the gd memories i enjoy at tat time.. i blieve many ppl wun read so much of my blog, full of rubbish, nothing but trash tok...

many ppl, including me, i hate reading long story, only lyk short ones.. i wun blame ppl nt listening 2 my story.. i wish my life can go back, i wish i can re-wind, so tat i can correct my mistakes i coz, correct my ways of treating ppl, reduce the times i hurt ppl both mentally n physically.. i believe no one understands my feelings 2ward anyone or anything, i'm nt blaming or angry abt it, its jus my fault of expressing it the wrong way... i'm timid, no guts, all i can do is imagine, but i jus wish i can do anything i wan in tis world... i admit ppl saying i ah guah, bcoz, i really hab no guts, but nw, i believe i'm letting my gut go up, pushing myself harder..

through the incident i hab in the rink, tat coz me quitting skate, i dun wish anyone wld folo my footsteps... being in the rink, is lyk forming a family, forming brotherhood.. there mayb conflicts, dislyk of each other, but dun 4gt, when someone in the rink gt in trouble, how many ppl in the rink will help out.. despite the hatre, i believe ppl in the rink r close, forgiveness wun b hesitated/ reluctant.. esp sabrina, close up wid them, try ur best 2 gt back 2 them when there's still time, dun end up lyk me, end up quit skate. running away frm my troubles in the rink...

nw my interest is gt a new life, my past is a scar tat can't b removed by myself, only the ppl in my past can forgive me n heal my scars.. take care readers, tag me if u wan..

P.S. c u ard, erm.. tis song goes out my love ones out there, ppl i care, lyk my dad's disciples, u all r lyk my brothers... to ppl in the rink tat still accepts me as the person i m.. ya.. ppl in ite, may u all enjoy ur 3wks hoidays, c u on 16 april..

2007-03-10T04:34:00.000-08:00

hello.. tis one is nt new com, so still, i can't blog as often.. haha...anyway, i wana tell my story again, is 2 jus refresh my memories, gd n bad ones, haha.. some ppl may tink i'm bo liao doing tis, sometimes, i tink so 2... lolx..

sometimes, i believe i've a fate of losin' gd frenz/ "brothers", after a short period of enjoyment wid tat fren/ "brother"... in fact, i didn't wana believe in it, but i always was proven wrong...

my 1st best fren, in pri sch, out of the blue, i was scolded by him, n we weren't frenz since then...

2nd fren, in sec 2 lvl, a gd "brother", he tot i was in luv wid the same gal, tat he was in luv wid, tat she was my god sis, he argued wid me out of jealously, bcoz i knew abt her more than he does... 3rd fren, my god sister, bcoz she oso tot tat i was in luv wid her, she avoided me, even till nw..

my 4th best fren, fat kel, my parents, in fact, my mum 2 b exact, called his hse, n threaten his family bcoz i was 2 close wid his family..

5th fren, daniel, didn't really lose tis fren, but we had a big arguement 4 some reason, n we fell out, but nw, at least we r there 4 each other, rite, dan??

6th, mr akira!!!, i entrusted him, he was my best brother, he was someone i look up, i appreciated him so match, i learnt much frm him, even many ppl said he was makin' use of me, asking me 2 do things, i didn't mind, bcoz at least he cared 4 me as a brother... but nw... i duno y, he hates me, he can scold vulgarities at me each time he c me, if i knew the reason, at least i can explain or dun amendment to wat i've done wat, but i dun at all... sigh, i may act as if i dun care abt how he treats me nw, i still misses havin' a big brother lyk him..

i really lyk my frenz frm the rink, but some were infulenced by someone, so i didn't really noe we 2 trust in, i was afraid of being backstabbed..

nw i in new sch, i decide 2 hab a new life, 4gt abt the past, my my frenz... but i cldn't make it, bcoz, most of my frenz in the past, esp rink ones, gave me gt memories n changed my life... i was suppose 2 go back the rink de, but after looking at akira's blog, i changed my mind, he wld b happier chasin' me out of the rink instead.. sigh.. really sad nw.. in ite, i do hab lots of frenz, but some of them aren't tat believable, but some i believe in them, i trust them as frenz..

haha.. my life.. is lyk, may nt b very bad as others tat existed, but i'm poor, abnormal, hab divorced parents, nt very gd childhood, nt very gd big brother.. hmm.. mayb tats the reason i wan a gd big brother out there... lolx.. hope he comes out quick.. sigh...

2007-03-02T21:21:00.000-08:00

hello guys... New site.. haha.. srry 2 trouble ppl who hab 2 change link.. haha..
new life style ya.. change skin soon.. stay tune.. haha.. =p

2007-01-30T21:27:00.000-08:00

hehe... shhhh... i using com during lesson... haha... miss so many ppl... haha..

i'm so happy wid my new life, i mean after quitin' skate.. hehe... how hab u all been?? long time no see liao... haha... =] if u all wan me 2 choose past or present, i'll choose present... rite dan?? hehe...

in ite, its lyk poly, but theres bullies though.. haha... no one bully me la.. haha.. dun wrry.. look tis way guys, gt anyting sms me.. ya.. take care...

2007-01-12T10:27:00.000-08:00

hmm.. life change, thru time, it may change alot, may nt change a bit... my life!! changed, lots n lots... there's 3 ppl in my new life changed me, thru time, n encounters of gd n bad times.. the ppl r in the list:

My Bluvin' Kor!!

Me N My Bluvin' Laopo!!!

My New Close Fren

these r the guys.. luv'em tonx... they lift up my life 2 heavenx... they pulled me out of sadness, thru bad times when i was in the rink... nw, i'm out of the rink, no more rink life, no more sadness n sufference...

if i'm nt wrong,i'm driftin' away, driftin' away frm the rink family, the probs, the cases of disagreement

2006-12-30T01:52:00.000-08:00

hmmm... kelvin went 2 bangkok... sigh... no one 2 tok 2 again.. haha... missed him... his lyk a big brother... lolx... hmmm... when he left, we took some photos but i tot tis one is the best one...
ya...

things r getting messy... man, i'm wana get out of it soon, asap tat is... take care ppl... sigh..

2006-12-20T23:54:00.000-08:00

hmm... i can feel abit change in me.. hehe.. mayb i did make it, make it 2 change myself.. but abit isn't wat i wan, i nid time, tats all... wait ppl, i'll b fledge man soon.. hehe...

things jus happen quick, 1 mth passed, i mayb back online... srry laopo i dissappt u... hehe.. hope u dun gt angry wid me bcoz i broke my promise.. srry... sigh...

i abt 2 part wid my sec sch frenz.. gona miss them alot... esp my laopo... haha... spend quite some time wid her during the holidays..

hmm.. personality change, means profile change.. gt ready 4 my new profile...

take care..

2006-12-18T01:59:00.000-08:00

hmm.. my n's r lyk shit... haha.. nvm, i gt plans 4 myself.. lolx..

ppl gt ready, i gg 2 skate tis sat, even if i'm gona skate alone, i'm still gg anyway.. life can nvr b fair n gd, there mayb time 4 happiness n enjoyin', but there is still time 4 sadness n suffrage... haha.. i'm lyk a old man nw...

i wonder how many n's taker passed.. hmm.. i hope all can pass, dun end up lyk me... haha... esp dan, u're someone who is smart, so i gt higher hopes in u, dun gt distract abt other things when u're studyin', ok?? hehe.. take care.. hope u passed...

hope ppl dun look down on me when i go ITE, but if ther do, i've no comments, bcoz i didn't study hard n took n'lvl seriously... haha.. i deserve it... hmm... seems lyk my studies is my weakness, lousy me..

mayb c u skaters on sat, eventhough u all may nt wana c me, srry, apology in advance... if anyone dun even wana accept my apology, then i dun wana go liao.. haha..

take care!! =]

2006-12-11T22:13:00.000-08:00

sigh.. ppl i'm ok la.. dun wrry abt me.. so srry upon wrrying u all..

i'll go back 2 the rink, but jus nt yet, jus soon enuff.. hehe.. between all tis time, i'm learning abt things on life.. changes!! hope u all undertsand.. haha... dun miss me n such pls.. i'm nvr a gd person b4.. i nid 2 learn 2 b someone better.. dun tok abt other ppl comments on me, i dun wana b a kid anymore... i had enuff...

anyway, there's someone can b a laughing stock in my blog... my brother is scared of insects, he screamed lyk a stupid gurl when he saw an insect in his rm, he had 2 scream lyk shit 2 express how scared he was upon the insect... lolx...

o ya.. Akira, i dun nid u 2 help me do anything 4 probs i've in the rink.. i noe i may nt b able 2 hab the position 2 say tis 2 u, but i jus wana let u noe tat i dun things change wid ur help, i wana hab tings change, i'll hab 2 depend on myself.. i dun wana rely on ppl anymore.. someone can't rely on others 2 much, or he wun grow up n stand up by him/herself... same goes 2 nick, eventhough u're in a position as my dad, i oso dun wan u help me solve things, as i said, i wana do such things by myself, hope u understand..

dan mayb rite, but some parts his still wrong... i mean the thing abt someone is always the same person, "daniel is always daniel, aaron is always aaron", ppl change in personality when time pass by, bit by bit... abt time, it may heal probs between ppl, but it oso make things worse, understand wat i mean?

take care ppl...

2006-12-10T00:11:00.000-08:00

sigh..

life has sadness, anger, happiness n other more emotions.. but i was having most of my times wid happiness in the startin' point, but nw?? more n more sadness, sorrows, but most r confusion...

i'll nw tell u a story, mayb u wld understand...

it started frm a 15 yr old boy, he start 2 learn skatin', his sec sch fren intro him 2 hockey skatin'.. he gt a hockey skates wid the help of his sec sch fren... while learning hockey skatin', tis boy made alot of frens, tall ones, short ones, young ones, old ones, every kind of ppl.. but when he's 16, he slowly realised tat he was as happy as he was when he was 15, he is nw full or sadness, n started being hated 4 his childish personality... n tat guy is me...

does tis tell u wat i found Akira..?? hope u understand my feelin's... i mayb selfish leavin' the rink, but wat 4 stay there when ppl r nt happy wid me?? nt toking abt jeffrey or daniel, there mayb more out there, who noes?? i myself oso can't bear 2 leave the rink, each time i pass by je, i wld go 2 the rink, tink of the memories i had...

4gt it... dun tok abt myself anymore..

to Akira: i'm so srry 2 block 4 the moment, i noe u wld b angry wid me, all i can say is sorry... i'm useless as someone in the part as didi, i dun tink i can do it... anyway hope u lyk tat rice i brought 4 u on sat, 1 day b4 u went in NS tat day i gave u one packet, nw when i leave rink i gib u one more.. hope u lyk it... take care... =]

to Daniel: i'm sorry 4 lying 2 u, n spyin' on u... i admit my wrong liao... very sorry... i dun wana gt ur 4giveness, jus wana let u noe i'm srry... u can gt angry wid me or hate me.. u take care.. mayb if some day we can be frenz again, i wun hate u anymore... bcoz i tot over it, everyone hab changes in life, everyone gt diff personality... u take care...

to Hazel: Thkx 4 helpin' me when i was close wid jeffrey last time.. i'm very srry if i offend u or wat... u take care..

to Suki: thkx 4 ur drawing of the family map, but srry 4 leaving the family already... u take care, u're someone i always missed, n cherished... take care... =]

to Joys: thkx 4 toking 2 me tat time, eventhough u didn't much, at least u were my listening ear.. hehe... hope u can help me take care of u noe who, n take care abt urself 2... =]

to Xiu hui: hope u take care, dun bcoz of work tired urself out, when u're working, take care of Joys 2... hehe...

to Kelvin: thkx 4 teachin' me.. i've learnt lots frm u.. take care.. teach me more next time.. hehe.. =]

to other ppl out there!!! Take care, stay young!!! gt anymore things can send me some testi in my frenster.. hehehe.. bye!!!

2006-12-04T00:18:00.000-08:00

sigh.. my next entry... duno wat 2 say already... all i can say is, it feels lyk everyone hates me nw.. no one care abt me anymore.. n i mean NO ONE.. Dan hates me, Jeff hates me, who else wana hate me, express it out.. sigh..

who can save me out of tis?? even someone who can save me, oso can't save something tat i really wan.. i'm already replace by ppl.. tis always happens 2 me, i duno y... sigh.. someday i'll die bcoz of tis fate i hab..

who do i hab nw? i duno at all.. i duno who i can depend on.. wat shld i do nw?? who can tell me?? bsides the ans, go n die, i can't tink of any other ans anymore...

mayb i dun belong in skaters' world, i only blong 2 lonely world... no one eva thinks me as a impt person at all... i feel as if i lost the whole world, lost my life n such...

2006-11-24T16:56:00.000-08:00

hmm... i duno how 2 start tis entry... okok... my b'day.. it wasn't a very nice b'day, yea... it sux alot... tis is happening jux 4 a reason... i wasn't in a gd mood on the day itself, or 5days b4 either.. sigh..

nw.. my parents so pian xin, celebrate my dad's disciple's b'day but nt mine.. so selfish... but shawn, its nt ur fault, is THEM... lolx.. sigh... things r so complicated nw... argh...! duno wat 2 say...

take care

2006-11-18T22:37:00.000-08:00

long time no blog liao..

my b'day comin' soon liao... who can celebrate wid me on the actual day?? u noe wat's my wishlist? i wish i can celebrate wid the ppl i care 4, lyk my "family", include jeffrey, hazel, akira, xiao xiao, terry,maggie, sichen, alot alot ppl... sigh... esp jeff n akira... sigh..

sigh.. jeff n hazel grounded.. so sian widout them.. feel empty, lyk how i feel when akira went in NS... sian.. things change so fast.. after akira went in NS, we start 2 break apart liao.. hope akira dun wrry 2 much la.. mayb we fell apart is bcoz akira is the bond btween us.. lolx.. sigh.. hope tis can gt back again.. nw quit skatin' is a frequent tot liao, hope it wun happen la...

take care everyone..

2006-11-06T02:03:00.000-08:00

sigh... everything's happening so fast...

Akira kor came out frm army, but went back after one day.. its lyk, " SO FAST??!! OMG!!", kinda feelin' lor..

Then recently, i gt close wid my didi.. he was my only didi in my "family line" lor.. i tot it over, he'll b addressed as my dar dar di di, lolx.. hope he dun mind.. its lyk baobei di di lor.. hehe...

then Sukiie, i'm missin' u liao lor.. long time no see liao.. then wrried abt u n ur family de prob.. sigh.. heartache lor..

2dae jeffrey went 2 batam wid his cousin n his parents, i sure miss him n gt lonely again.. hope tis 3days pass asap...

take care my new dar dar di di n Akira!! missin' u all every sec..

2006-10-23T10:08:00.000-07:00

haix... duno if i hab much chanc 2 blog anymore... my brother dun let me use the com anymore.. fcuk my brother.. T_T

it left wid 2days, if u tink i didn't cry, n i'm strong, then u're wrong... i cried at nite, each time wid i conference, duno if anyone knew.. last nite, i listen 2 my blog song n cried, it made me remember abt happey memories, togetherness, brothers, sisters, family together enjoying life... i felt very scared each day, duno wat i'm scared of, my happy jus speeds up..

tis kind of day really hab 2 come 2 everyone's life, isn't true? someone important ppl will b lost, everyone wld sure experience tis.. as wat xiu hui said, our frenship wid akira wld drift apart, i agree 2 tat, but i lied.. each of them cried, i start 2 gt wet eyes, bcoz i dun wana trouble akira anymore, i jus wish he can enjoy tis few days wid his freedom.. ppl, seriously, when its time 2 enjoy, dun cry, control ur emotions.. if akira noes tat we're sad, i noe, he'll b.. hope i'm nt wrong..

if it wasn't dan who changed, i wun b close 2 akira nw, thkx dan.. if dan, u hab reasons 2 make me drift apart frm u, 4gt the reason.. if there's really no reason 4 us 2 b tis way, then leave it the way it is... seriously, i wish i can't gt the 1st dan i knew back, no matter wat others say n do 2 me.. hope u ppl understand..

nw in my mind is 2 let akira go in NS wid out wrries, hope u all do tink so.. i mayb very gay at times, but i'm jus lyk a kid, i admit.. wat i nid is a family tat can care 4 me truthfully, someone lyk akira, joys, alfreda, joewe, suki, dan, kelvin, xiu hui n terry... i luv u all, even i MIA, i'll still miss u all in my heart, i cry day n nite 4 u all.. N my habit is, when someone care 4 me, i'll care 4 u all 2... hehe... wish i cld hab a cam fone right nw, 2 take all the last moment, all the moments, fun n sad ones... abt 2 cry soon, i 2 wish akira nt 2 go 2 NS, but i can't control tis.. if i'm the government, i'll let my frenz nt 2 go NS, lyk akira, jackson, kelvin, ming he, terry, esp Joys... hehe.. i'll dun it 4 u all instead, i n take it 4 all of my precious frenz...

*Special note to sean..
u really hab 2 take care of my cousin liao, i may nt b working wid u all liao.. i'm gona work somewhr else, wid my frenz, so u take care 2.. if gt anything jus tag my blog, dun tell my mum i working outside, or she'll extort frm me again, hope u understand..

take care ppl, luv u all tons...

2006-10-09T19:33:00.000-07:00

everyone pls view 2 my videos in "past"... new ones r uploaded...
thkx 4 viewing...

take care...

2006-10-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

sigh.. erm... so stressed out now... then there's a story writer always flooding my tagboard, each time i see her name as the tagger, i'll recognise tis author as luo suo...

nvm... haix.. i tink i gt the feeling again, the feeling of the old me coming back... wish it doesn't... hmm... kel n suki... i wun care abt u're affairs liao... u all gt anything dun tell me, i'm nt interested... ltr i'm caught in the middle, n gt introuble, i die fast fast arh...

sigh... mayb being independant is very hard 4 me... i always rely on ppl, yea, i noe i shldn't b relying on ppl 2 much, but tats my life... if i can b independant n nt rely on ppl, i wld b nw... if i turn independant, i wld nt b hurt easily, but nw i gt hurt even 4 nt being important... sigh... i nid ppl 2 tok 2, but.... i duno la... may i nt ppl i care 4 2 speak out everything... but mayb i can't tok everything out 2 them either... sigh...

*enjoy all the time we hab wid our luv ones, b4 it runs out... sigh... mayb cared ones sounds better...*

take care ppl...

2006-10-07T05:40:00.000-07:00

hey!!! brothers!!! sisters!!! attention all readers!!!
i hab gt something 2 say!!! =p

hmm.. duno whr 2 start... erm.. 1st, i nw start 2 dislyk xiu hui liao.... i really dun understand her, n i dun wana understand her... her attitude sux a lot lor... who duno abt? wana side her then side lor.. she noes wat she did 2 me 2dae lor..

2nd is abt dan... i alreadi decided 2 4gib him liao... mayb he hates me liao, i oso duno, but all i noe tat he doesn't care much abt our frenship liao... i 4gib him is bcoz i understand him nw...

3rd... serene... i duno wats wrong wid u... i really hate u 2 remember abt bad past, can u jus stp it...? its 4 ur own gd... u may argue wid me, but if u nt happy abt tis, pls dun flood my tagboard... few sentences pls!! =]

4th.. duno abt tis, but i tis i'll seldom skate.. the price has increased, n i feel so upset abt the frenship i'm having nw... very complicated.. very sensitive 4 some while.. no one 2 tok 2... sigh.. even 4 Akira... i duno la.. mayb i wun b having skater life anymore... jus mayb...

5th.. si chen... i noe tis breaks ur heart, but.... i tink its best 4 us 2 stay as frenz 1st... each time i c u makes me embarassed n wana run away... hope u understand...

take care ppl..!!! =]

2006-10-01T10:53:00.000-07:00

hey!!!

out of the blue, i really wana write tis entry of my life... the entry abt my frenz, all the frenz i hab nw... lolx...

i nvr expect so many gd frenz r in my sight all along... they hab been helping me in the past, the present, mayb in the future 2... but some of them helped me in the past, but actually hates in in the heart, lyk daniel... sigh... really hope he doesn't hate me, 4gt abt the past n unhappiness btween each other, n b brothers again...

nvm... at least i shld b happy upon having very cool frenz ard me, lyk Kel(my best brother), Akira(my best shifu n ...), Xiu hui(best nagger), Joys(best, hahaha, laugher)... they r one of the ppl i really appreciate, hope they r still in my life in the future, attend my funneral... lolx.. esp Akira, hehehe...

unlyk my family, they r truely very important 2 me, esp dan(past) n Akira, lyk the pillar of my life, ppl who help me hold on wid my helpless life... they can't leave b4 me, only i can leave after them, bcoz i noe they can live after i die, but i can't after them... hehe... dun mind wat i said...

Akira, remember the letter i gave u? the 3rd page tat was lost? nw i'll tell u wats tat important abt tat page... i wrote tis, "i as ur doggy, dun mind losing my life 2 save urs, even it cost my life 2 fight wid u, i wun regret abt it, bcoz it's worth losing it 4 a brother, a shifu, a master lyk u... losing my life is nothing, but losing urs is equal 2 losing 2 lives..." hope u understand the last part of the sentence...

Kel, u had been a person who taught me the way of life... hehe... i was a very childish boy back then, but did u realise tat, i actually change after the day when suki came back? do u noe the reason nw? i change bit by bit bcoz of u toking 2 me again tat time... i realised tat i really hab a sucking attitude, after knowing tat many ppl dun wana c me, as wat dan said... i duno if its true, but he said u, jeff, tze hui, n zane dun wan me 2 go... i gt doubts abt tis sentence he said... esp when he said jeff dun wan me go... sigh... anyway, if once again, i hab mistakes in wat i do, pls correct me... thkx...

Xiu hui, u may nt gona b happy abt wat i'm abt 2 say, but tis is the truth... 2 wat i feel, u had been tinking tat u're always rite abt tings, it may nt happen many times, but u do act tis way at times... toking 2 u makes me mad at times, esp when u gib attitude... but u still hab gd pts la, lyk tok 4 str8 4ward la, but sometimes u str8 4ward till hurt ppl's feelings la... mayb shld tink b4 say out la... tats wat i hab 2 say 2 u lor... gt anyting, jus come complain 2 me lor...

Joys, Omg!! best laugher in town... lolx.. each time u laugh, makes me laugh 2... ur laugh is very "unique"... lolx...

Oh ya!! Akira, sometimes i've been tinking of tis, btween u n daffy, who is happier... nw i noe... its u... lolx... unlyk me, calvin always starts probs 4 daffy, sigh.. really duno wat calvin is always tinking... i mayb a bit shameless 2 say tis, but even calvin n i gt u n daffy as kou shan, but i dun tink its really important 2 me, bcoz 2 me, brothers r 2 help each other n avoid probs 4 each other, esp unnesscary ones... I tink calvin tinks he gt the power, so he cld beat ppl up, ask ppl 4 trouble 4 no valid reason... hope u agree 2 it... wat i nid frm u is nt being my kou shan or wat, jus b one of the ppl who cares 4 me can liao, even i'm in trouble, i wun trouble u 2 help me de... haha..

Take care!!! =p

2006-09-27T12:20:00.000-07:00

Had a quarrel wid my mum... sigh... jus hope srry b more gentle as a mum!!!

Nvm... Each time gt my master n kel 2 tok 2, make me happy.. Being angry wid tat gal wun b stopped, tat anger is 4 her being so stupid!!! =[ I'm really happy i've a very gd master nw.. lolx.. srry 4 toking as a dog again... I tot it was best 2 address u as... haha...

Take care both of u... Best brothers!!!